Day of Reality

I took a college class which examined what characteristics children develop when growing up around addiction. As difficult as some of the information was to accept, one lesson has stayed with me for years. I am a placater. I don't like conflict. If there is a way I can avoid it, I will; even at the detriment of myself in some instances. I could easily say it makes sense, kids develop protective mechanisms to survive. But, as I get older, I continue learning these childhood shields can actually be a crutch and hold us back.

Since the loss of my brother, I have been trying to work on being real with certain topics. Isn't it painful? Absolutely! Does it scare you? You betcha! Does it help? Without a doubt! You see, if I just run behind my cloak of protection and hide from the realities, how does my retreat help anyone? Sometimes, situations call for a loving, yet frank conversation. It is in these real moments, when I believe we trust God to speak through us, no matter how foreign and painful it may be. If we trust in Him, He will lead the way.

Day 28: Heavenly Father, thank you for standing with me when I step out of my comfort zone. It is so scary! I just want to do what I have always done, but maybe that's why repetitive situations occur. Please steady my feet, Lord, when I want to retreat behind my protective placater cloak.

Father God, I trust you. I know you are with me. I know you will protect me. But, why is it so hard to accept when the hurricane of emotion starts to swell? Shouldn't I immediately turn to you for help? Shouldn't I fall to my knees screaming your name? I feel so ashamed when I don't. I say our relationship is the center of my life, yet when I need to be real, somehow I lose sight of you. Please forgive me.

Lord, today was a difficult day. But, I thank you for it. I thank you for giving me the right words, sharing my real fears, and showing my actual emotion. I am confident being real shows a greater love for others than slinky away out of fear. I pray my friends and family can share loving, supportive, yet real views of situations. If we are true to ourselves, I pray we demonstrate how much we desire to be true to you.

I love you.

This is me and my little brother, Morgan Christopher Sefranka. I miss you, buddy!