Day of Storms

Wow, what crazy weather we've been having here in Indiana! What's it like in your neck of the woods? As with many of you, I've been discussing the forecasting and meteorology with my friends. I'm not sure what your tone was toward meteorologists and their ability to predict the weather, but mine has been pretty empathetic. I took meteorology in college and genuinely feel bad for those who have to predict what fronts and pressures will do and how slight deviations from projections can utterly change the ball game.

Life's kinda like this, isn't it? It seems we can be on a steady path, with a certain plan to follow, and a slight detour from the path can take us completely off course. I try to live my life not spending too much time trying to predict the future. Life is going to throw all sorts of curveballs, just like fluctuations of barometric pressure. If I spend too much time trying to plan for what I think will happen, often I overlook positive things right in front of me or worse, I'm completely obliterated when one of life's storms steers me off my planned course.

I challenge you to spend less time worrying about what could be and more time embracing what is! Lean on God to guide you through the storms of life...I'm pretty sure His predicting skills are far better than ours.

Day 101: Heavenly Father, thank you for guiding me through the storms in my life. Thank you for the peace of mind you bring knowing I am never alone. Thank you for allowing me to face storms and growing a closer relationship with you.

Lord, life's just plain hard. Just when we think it's all lollipops and gumdrops, liver gets thrown in the mix (btw, did you intend for people to eat liver...blech). We feel so overwhelmed by the storms, we assume we are alone and no one has ever had it so bad. But, Father, your Son faced the greatest storms of all. He demonstrated His vulnerability in the garden, but trusted your plan to the cross. I pray we speak to you with the same trust, express our questioning with the same vulnerability, and ultimately let you guide use through any storms we face to ensure we follow the path you've laid out for us. I'm in awe with your patience for us and thank you.

I love you.

Source: http://www.successandfailure.net/blog/2012/07/18/overcoming-the-storms-of-life/

Day of Forgiveness

Despite God's call for us to forgive those who have harmed us in some way, it's difficult, don't you think? An easier said than done type scenario! From the human perspective, there is something about forgiving someone for a transgression against us that's unsettling. I think we fear if we are still hurt by the other person's actions we can't grant forgiveness, or somehow by forgiving we're lessening the responsibility of the other person's wrongdoing. In reality, forgiveness is really about the victim.

After my second divorce, I was convinced there was no way I was ever going to be able to forgive such actions because of the damaging effects of lost trust; the pain, and anger were so prevalent. Thankfully, I realized (by way of God beating me upside the head with messages about forgiveness for a month) not being able to forgive was making me resentful, jaded, angry, and bitter. I humbly submit, none of these characteristics describe me. When I notice something about my demeanor that is really outside of the everyday Jasmine, I try to stop and take notice. Of course, I'm certainly human experiencing similar responses to painful situations like everyone else. But, if I'm the vicitim, I am more irritated that the actions of the other person have thrown my loving, positive, cheerful demeanor off-kilter. This is where ownership comes into play.

You can choose to let the anger, hurt, and resentment consume you and all future relationships or you can forgive the person proclaiming "I'm not letting the pain caused by your actions hold me back any longer." Of course, it's a gift to the other person as well, don't worry...it's okay. How many times has God granted us forgiveness, mercy, and grace when we have been so clearly undeserving? Sometimes, in order to help ourselves move forward positively, we might have to allow someone else to move forward as well. It's okay to show a little bit of God love even to the transgressor...I promise no harm will come to you.

Here is a challenge: consider one relationship for which anger, irritation, and hurt resonate when you think about the person. Objectively examine the situation. Write out the pros/cons for forgiving the person. Ask God for the wisdom to know how to forgive; for His embrace as you step outside your comfort zone; and, let God work through your pen to draft a letter to the person proclaiming your forgiveness. It's important to list out each wrong and proclaim I FORGIVE YOU! That's it! You release it! You don't have to think about all the wrongs and pains once you forgive. They no longer keep you hostage from experiencing the loving  positivity God seeks from us!

Speaking from experience here: the burdens literally weighing down your shoulders will be lifted. You don't forget what happened, but the sting of it gets a little easier. This is extremely important when divorced parents are raising children. Remember: what happened between the parents should never interfere with their mutual love for their children!

Day 81: Heavenly Father, thank you for not giving up on me when you knew it was time to forgive. Thank you for working in me to share this message of hope and reflection for others. I ask for direction to forgive the two other people in my life I still cannot bear to release the weight of their transgressions.

God, strangely, the bitterness and anger originating from hurt feel like they provide some protective shield for our already broken emotions. However, despite the initial safety we might feel in such a protective bubble, it's so fragile and eventually pops. From here, we're left vulnerable, lost, and disconnected. Save us from ourselves, Lord! Lay on our hearts the DESIRE to forgive, not just the OBLIGATION to do so. 

Father God, I pray my relationship with my ex-husband can be a testament to those who are stuck in the worldly expectations of how people should interact if they've hurt one another. Thank you for healing broken hearts and providing opportunities to show your love in all things. Without your wisdom, direction, and grace, my little one would not witness two friendly parents who can put their history aside to care for their daughter. 

Thank you for instilling changes within your people and guiding our temporary lives in this world to love you and love others.

I love you.

Source: http://acelebrationofwomen.org/2013/03/does-forgiveness-really-matter%E2%80%8F/

Day of Light

Whew! Thank you for your patience as I've caught up on my prayer posts for last week. It is rare for me to feel overwhelmed, but this week certainly got the best of me. Thankfully, I have a God-centered determination to maintain this as a daily blog (if I ended a 365-day blog with only 363 prayers, I would feel like I failed...I'd never say someone else failed, but I'm sometimes terrible with the practice what you preach). This time I spend with God discussing my day or whatever consumes my thoughts has provided me fantastic insight into my successes and failures, my joys and concerns, and my confidences and fears.

I have never felt more confident the words I share with others are divinely inspired. Sometimes, I feel like there are some people who have just not experienced God's love in a way that helps lift them from the darkness in their lives. On the outside, they make excuses and blame others for the circumstances in which they find themselves, the "it's always someone else who put me in this situation" mentality. On the inside, however, they are stuck in a dark and dreary state of loss, shame, and confusion. They may not even know they are doing this to themselves. Denial can sometimes be unintentional because it's too frightening to admit we may actually be the cause of living in such darkness.

I hope my open prayers with God can help those who are stuck in the darkness to experience a connection with someone who shared similar circumstances. I want to express myself honestly and help others realize they too can live in the light and they don't have to climb out alone. They have loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who are ready and willing to help pull them into the light and experience a new life filled with hope and love.

Day 75: Heavenly Father, thank you for using me in such a pivotal role to comfort and support others with direct and honest discourse. Thank you for providing me a venue to connect with people across the world expanding your love of the global church. Thank you for blessing me with words to transform, words to inspire, and words to invoke analysis of our inner selves.

Lord, directness can be scary for some people to accept. We've created a world of always wanting to feel good and wanting the easy fix. What we fail to realize is we are our own worst enemies. We want change, but don't want to do the work requiring change. We want different lives, but don't want to examine ourselves identifying some of our faults may be impeding our progress. We want to be pulled out of the darkness, but can't see the outstretched arms ready to help pull us out of the depths of despair. Ultimately, Lord, we need you, but refuse to see you when you're right in front of us. Thank you for never leaving us. Thank you for being ready when we are ready. Thank you for placing positive individuals in our lives to help us connect and lean on you through them.

Father God, I cannot imagine where my life would have ended up if I didn't lean on you. I cannot relate to depression because I believe you are the greatest anti-depressant money doesn't have to buy. I cannot imagine living a life of pessimism, despair, anger, loss, or confusion. I pity those stuck in the darkness and pray I can be used as a vessel to help lead them to your light. I pray you continue protecting those who are not ready to trust in you, but use those who care about them to lead them to a positive, loving relationship with you, our wonderful Counselor.

I love you.

Day of Comfort

When we learn someone is suffering from physical ailments or emotional pains, we hope for comfort and healing. Often those around us offer their thoughts, prayers, and words of support, but expect some otherworldly source to actual provide it. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit, but I've used the coined phrase "I'm praying for you," but only in the moment did I actually pray. Think for a moment when you've shared such words. Was it the standard response, a nicety if you will? Did you fully intend to pray, but failed to execute beyond saying those words? Did you genuinely spend time with God asking for His healing hand on those suffering.

This week marks another death of someone for whom I cared deeply, my former father-in-law. Regardless of the circumstances causing my divorce, my daughter's dad and I are friendly. I remain up-to-date on the ups and downs of his family as he has of mine. I'm thankful we have a mature relationship like this, if nothing more than to demonstrate to our children how to interact with others by showing God's love even when it's difficult or against human response.

I pray as this family receives an outpouring of condolences and offers of prayer, these words are genuine. I pray prayers of comfort and healing are extended to God with expectation He, in fact, can heal. The loss of a father (in my case, a grandfather who was like my father) doesn't get easier. I visit my grandfather's gravesite twice a year and ball my eyes out nearly six years later. But, with time and through God's loving hands the loss is easier to cope. 

Day 72: Heavenly Father, thank you for your love and support, comfort and healing. Thank you for always being available for our needs, but requiring us to reach to you. Thank you for your grace when we so often take you for granted and just expect this and that without putting in any work.

Lord, I pray you wrap your loving arms around this family consumed with grief at the loss of their patriarch. I know he is with you in the kingdom; what great warmth that brings to my heart. But, God, our loss of his presence is still painful. Although we should be celebrating with adoration and joy his physical battles are over and you've called your son home, but our loss of his presence is still painful. Even though without a doubt he is with you enjoying Georgia peach ice cream and sharing his orneriness, without being able to turn to watch him, our loss of his presence is still painful.

So, Father God, my plea is for comfort. Heal our despairing hearts as we mourn the loss of a compassionate, loving man. Dry our countless tears as we celebrate his life, but regret all those who did not get the pleasure of his acquaintance. Lift our bittersweet spirits as we joyously lift him to you, but desire to pull him back for one last smile, one last hug, one last kiss. Strengthen our worn bodies as the dust settles, the grieving overwhelms, and reality sets in. Despite our human grief, I am comforted to know your devoted servant trusted his life to you and ran into your arms when he was finally home.

I love you.

Day of "Even Now"

When people attend Easter service, they usually expect to hear the traditional resurrection story. I'm beyond thankful that's not what I heard this year! Our contemporary service pastor allows God to work through him regularly to deliver messages far beyond what is just the "norm." Easter service was no different!

Before you fear resurrection wasn't discussed, let me assure you, it was not only discussed, it was captured as the cornerstone of what this Christian stuff is all about, but looking through the eyes of others. When Lazarus became ill, Jesus waited two days to embark on the two day journey to reach him. Jesus knew this wait was pivotal! Upon his arrival, Mary (who had previously washed Jesus feet with her hair) was dead in discouragement. She saw no point in greeting Jesus...what could He do now? She needed a resurrection of her faith! Martha ran to meet Jesus, but was dead in the delay of His arrival. She believed with four days passed, Lazarus' spirit had departed his body and would not be able to return. She needed resurrection of her faith! Lazarus lay dead (and, as Scott pointed out, likely quite stinky) and buried. He needed, well, resurrection of his life! Jesus demonstrated even now, when hope is lost, too much time has passed, and Lazarus is gone, He can resurrect! 

Remember, even now when you feel all is lost in your family, your marriage, your health, your employment, trust in Jesus' resurrection. Even now, He can guide the way!

Day 94: Heavenly Father, thank you for continuing to work in your humble servant to deliver the messages needed, despite what may be wanted! Thank you for your constant presence regardless of death in spirit and hope.

Lord, I plead for you to reveal yourself to someone struggling tonight. She desperately needs to see even now when her world seems to be crumbling around her, You have a plan for her life far beyond what human setbacks she may face. Father, I ask for your comforting arms to embrace her, encourage her, and reveal to her what seems like a step back may actually be a pivotal leap forward in her fulfillment of your expectations for her life. Watch over her, Lord! 

Father God, I trust in your compassion, love, and wisdom. But, for many, it is so difficult not knowing your plans. It seems when we face battles, we can hardly see how they are for our benefit. I know you aren't guiding our lives as a puppet master, but I think for those who struggle to trust in the big reveal even if they can't see it can be discouraged easily and could lose sight of you. I pray you work within me and use me to help reveal to others what I see without seeing. I trust in you even now when I may not see you.

I love you.

Source: http://gotleeks.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/living-into-the-yes/

Day of Praying

I want to share with you two examples of how the power of prayer can reap life changing blessings! One may be considered trivial, but I hope it provides a small glimpse of how listening can benefit a relationship. The other may be one of the greatest examples of how circling needs and wants in prayer can deliver miraculous intervention by God!

The first relates to a birthday present for my daughter (in my opinion, helping to create lasting memories for your children can have fundamental impacts on their lives). My daughter told me last year she looks forward to my presents because they are meaningful to her (I think she said something like she doesn't even know she wants them until she received them...yikes, pretty tall order!) As such, each year can sometimes be a little difficult coming up with something more unique than say a shirt or something. With my daughter returning from a mission trip to Macedonia where she was sharing the message of Jesus Christ, I wanted to think of something to help encourage her on her faith journey. I "stalked" tons of Christian artists and a few athletes to share in a birthday memory for her. Basically, I didn't want anything of monetary value given to her, but rather a shout out in the form of phone call, text, or tweet wishing her a happy 15th and an encouraging word to motivate her. With no response, I became discouraged and concerned I would not be able to live up to her expectation of "knowing her well enough." I prayed! I asked for God's help if not to lay on the hearts of a few to respond, then to lay on my heart a replacement idea. At the closing of my brother's memorial service, God answered! I received an email from the Sidewalk Prophets asking for my daughter's contact information! Incredible!! David Fray, lead singer of the group, not only called her and left a wonderful message wishing her a happy birthday and encouraging her to live in Christ, but also he sang to her. Incredible!! Total bonus, Jamie Grace tweeted Happy Birthday to my daughter and the sweetest young artist on the planet, Gracie Schram, texted a message and picture wishing her a great birthday! This is an example of relying on God, going to Him in prayer, and trusting in His plan!

The second example relates to a friend who has struggled in her relationship with her mother. We connect on so many levels, sometimes we find it uncanny...totally God's guiding hand!! I've been praying for her and mentioned her situation in past prayers. She faced a tough childhood and has been estranged from her mother for years. Not having been as close to my own mother as I would've liked in my earlier years, I can relate to the loss and hurt she feels. But, the beautiful relationship with my mother now is a testament to God's healing power when you trust in Him, His healing, and His timing. It's scary to open yourself and potentially be vulnerable to hurt again. What I've advised my friend is if you trust God and His protection, nothing is too great for His healing, even a lifetime of estrangement and bitterness from childhood pains. I learned last week (I cried and was completely overwhelmed with God bumps), my friend plans to spend Thanksgiving with her mother and brother. She hasn't seen them in years, but is willing to let go of control and trust God to guide her. What a miraculous transformation and opportunity for all involved!! Praise God!!

Day 91: Heavenly Father, thank you for listening when I call out to you! Thank you for answering my prayers no matter how trivial they may seem. Thank you for your timing to work in relationships and build up what we can never do on our own.

Lord, I am indebted to you. All I want to do is praise you for all you do for me and every situation for which I reach out to you for intervention! I cannot help others without you! I am ashamed for claiming to "be the one" who has helped others when it is and has always been you. Thank you! My words are your words; my actions are your actions. Forgive me for any moment I have claimed victory in successes based on my words or efforts. You provide the wisdom to help others; you provide the strength and encouragement to support others. I am merely your humble servant. Thank you for working through me!

Father God, you know what is in our hearts. I used to believe this was good enough. But, I've learned you want us to prayerfully proclaim what we need to demonstrate our trust in you to answer our prayers. If we cannot proclaim verbally to you, then we must not believe wholeheartedly you can fulfill what we are seeking from you. I ask for you to keep working in me to reach to you openly and loudly!!

I love you.

Gracie Schram

http://www.gracieschram.com/?page_id=10

Day of Stumbles

Everyone stumbles, makes mistakes, even sins. I know, Christians sin??? Shocking...NOT! In fact, if we cannot admit this about ourselves, yet we judge others for their stumbles, no wonder Christians often are labeled hypocrits. Over the last five weeks, I've had the opportunity to host a community group centered on The Great Commission...making disciples. I was nervous because frankly I've made so many mistakes in my life, I feared answering questions with wisdom that would promote others' desires to become and make disciples. What I learned, however, is one of the best ways to teach is through your own life experiences, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly (sorry, Clint Eastwood). If you want to connect with people and not come across as elitist and judgmental, don't be scared to share your mistakes, your stumbles, your missteps, and even your vulnerabilities causing you to sin. As a church, we are required to lift, support, and bear the burdens of our fellow believers.

Here's the thing, sin is in our DNA. Adam and Eve's original sin partaking of the apple fundamentally transformed human DNA. Think about it, even when God attempted to cleanse the Earth by way of the great flood saving only Noah and his family, sin still resonated and displayed itself countless times (as an aside, I won't say whether or not you should see the Noah movie, but I would strongly encourage you to read the biblical depiction of the great flood in order to know the truth and not fall victim to fictional characterization). HOWEVER, even though sin is ingrained in us, this doesn't mean we are not accountable for ourselves and our choices. Being mindful of our susceptibility to sin should cause us to approach situations differently. It should cause us to understand the dangers in the choices we make. It should remind us we are not immune to the immoralities of this world and as such need to work harder to avoid succumbing to such temptations.

All that being said, God loves us regardless and grants grace. Is that not incredible?!?! For as far as we've steered away from God, He has always been present, is present, and will always be present in our lives. Reach out to Him when you stumble! Ask Him for forgiveness vocalizing an acknowledgement of knowing right from wrong in God's eyes. Ask Him for strength and wisdom to learn from your mistakes. Praise Him for loving you anyway.

Day 88: Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me anyway. Thank you for knowing I would struggle, I would falter, and I would need you. Thank you for always being present and patiently waiting for me to realize it.

God, I feel like we spend too much time hiding our faults. We deceive ourselves and others by way of deflecting attention from our own sins and call attention to others. You taught us to be a community of believers for the ups and the downs with our relationships centered on you. But, particularly during the downs, it seems these are the times when we separate and seclude ourselves from one another. Sometimes, we do this out of fear of judgement. Loving constructive criticism is essential to building relationships! If the church isn't loving and supportive to help members, but instead criticizing to turn attention away from their own misdeeds, no wonder many separate themselves. I pray we can chuck our pride, fears, and shame at the door of our relationships and trust you to lead us to healthy, supportive fellowship.

Father God, I want to be in fellowship with my church family. I want to trust those with whom I worship, study, and develop friendships. I desire the sense the fellowship found in Amish communities, where I trust the collective has my best interest at heart and they trust I have the same feelings for them. I want to help lift others through your loving encouragement and celebrate their joys of celebration. I pray through the vision and leadership of Pastor Scott, we may become a congregation similar to The Early Church. Thank you for leading and instilling this desire within me.

I love you.

Source: http://www.thankfulme.net/2014/03/april-2014-visiting-teaching-handout.html?m=1

Day of Testimony

What is your testimony? Everyone has one. It's your life story that has brought you to where you are in your faith journey. Sometimes, it's painful childhood experiences from which God has provided rescue and comfort. Other times, it's the void God has filled in a life consumed with emptiness. Whatever your testimony, if you are able to share it with others (as painful or embarrassing as it may be), lives could be transformed!

Last Thursday, I had the opportunity to hear my daughter share her testimony. I already knew the intimate details, but to hear my daughter share openly and not focus on the circumstances, but the strength, comfort, and love God provided during the extremely difficult time is inspiring. Many who have suffered similarly to my daughter (the details are not important) fall victim to hurt, anger, and shame. But, rather than remain stuck in a see of despair, she cried out to God to lift and heal her. Her trust in God provides the strength necessary to not let negativity define you, but to let your release to God transform you.

Day 86: Heavenly Father, thank you for drawing my daughter to you in her time of despair. Thank you for using her as a testament to your miraculous healing power. 

Lord, my daughter's testimony has been the catalyst needed to start some discussions with kids experiencing similar circumstances. I'm so thankful for your healing power. I pray those kids who may begin to break through the protective shield of silence will lean on you for strength and comfort. Draw them out of despair, Lord, and reveal to them your presence and support. It's challenging for children who cannot see you to know their pains can still be healed through you. As I have needed, please bombard them with your presence so they may literally feel you holding them close.

Father God, please continue your work in your people who have suffered tragedy. They may blame you. They may deny you. They may condemn you. Lord, they know not what they do. They are blinded by pessimism and disbelief. Reveal yourself to them in a convincing manner for which they know only through you could such a vision be seen. We may not always have the strength to reach you, but you do.

I love you. 

Day of Burdens

Whew! Life can sure feel overwhelming at times, especially when you struggle with the two-letter word NO. Like many, I don't want to disappoint and feel honored when I'm asked to join something or help in some capacity. Eventually, however, I just get overstretched and overwhelmed.

As a response, I feel the commitments I already have made are burdensome and I resent them. I don't like resentment; it's kind of a foreign word for me, but I still experience it. The last couple of weeks revealed just how bothersome the resentment was when I started feeling this blog was a burden! Omgoodness, I cried. Seriously!! This is supposed to be my conversation with my Father in Heaven, how could that be a burden? Yet, it was!

As the last couple of weeks have moved along, they've been filled with flurry of activity. My exhaustion got to the point where I couldn't even keep my eyes open to write my daily prayers. One day ran into the next until now I'm a week behind and feeling like I've disappointed God for not spending time with Him, disappointed myself for not meeting my commitment, and disappointed others who may look forward to my daily prayer (I know there's one of you out there).

Thankfully, during a hallway discussion with a friend and my weekly community group on discipling, I was reminded of two things: 1) Don't stress about making up your prayers. If you feel compelled to catch up, do it a little at a time, there are many days left in the year to reach 365 prayers, 2) God doesn't expect you to put restrictions on yourself to read two chapters a day in the Bible or write a prayer a day for the year if all it does is show you've completed something. He wants us getting more from the Bible than just saying we've read it and more from our prayers than just checking off we said them.

Day 83: Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me despite my many misgivings. Thank you for surrounding me with lovely people reminding me to K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid). Thank you for your grace when the only energy I have is to muster the name of Jesus!

Lord, why do I struggle with pleasing others? Countless people can "just say no," why can't I? In hindsight, I can analyze myself so easily and say "you can't do everything to please everyone because when you can't fulfill your commitments, you'll disappoint those you were trying to please in the first place." It's so easy and I could counsel with such words to anyone, but arrogantly I find myself above them in some way. I fear disappointing others. I fear what others might think if I can't handle it all. I fear having to ask others to change what they expect of me. The common words, I fear! How ridiculous!!

Father God, you've shown me countless times if I trust in you, I shall not fear. I should not fear saying no if that little word allows me to spend time with you. I should not fear saying no if it provides me more time to commit fully to things for which I've volunteered. I should not fear saying no if that word releases burdens and uplifts my spirit. Please help me, Lord, to practice what I preach. Please help me to learn to say no and avoid self-imposed burdens when I'm stretched too far. Please help me remain centered on you and help me trust everything I need will fall into place.

God, I pray for friends, family, and strangers who struggle with NO. I pray they experience a glimpse of life without burden. I know it and have lived it...I need the kick to get back to it!

I love you.

Source: 

http://latinopm.com/features/its-okay-to-say-no-4058

Day of Following

Over the last couple of months, our pastor's messages have resonated with me to show love. As I mentioned a few days ago, I firmly believe God's timing is intentional for where I am in my life. After the loss of my brother, something had to change. I could no longer show God's love at arm's length or in a constant state of prefacing every interaction with "this is just what I believe."

Then, came the sermons :-) First, prayer, not in theory, but practical application. Second, Jesus Christ, all attributes: teacher, miracle worker, rebel, leader, Savior. Third, Holy Spirit, the who and the why. Presently, Disciples, how can we multiply and exponentially transform lives through the two greatest commandments: Love God and love each other. Perhaps, Pastor Scott didn't have a roadmap getting us specifically to multiply disciples, but I firmly believe God's plan was calculated and fulfilled intentionally through our pastor! What an honor to follow this "yellow brick road" to build others for the glory of God!

Day 70: Heavenly Father, thank you for your faithfulness in your people to commit to your Word:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 NIV)

Lord, considering who you are and the power bestowed on the original disciples, it's difficult to wrap my mind around being able to have the same impact. I'm not the most knowledgable, I have doubts in my abilities, and I am scared of rejection. But, I trust you, God. I place my life before you and I am prepared to receive your wisdom to answer the tough questions, I embrace what we spiritual gift you've provided (even hospitality), and I find comfort knowing rejection itself is out of others' fears of needed changes in their lives. I fall to my knees in awe of your greatness! 

I love you.

Day of Rebirth

Yesterday was my birthday, but not just the celebration of my birth 38 years ago. More importantly, yesterday, I heard words which literally may cause a rebirth in the relationship with my mother.

First, let me say I miss my little brother. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him and wish his ornery self was still here threatening to kick some butt of any guy who has broken his big sister's heart (or trust). 

My mom and brother were best friends. In fact, growing up, I was pretty separate to much of the goings on because I didn't share that kind of relationship. Of course, it pained me and envy resonated. I exhausted myself trying to be "the obedient daughter, doing well in school, following rules, going to church, causing little drama" in hopes of one day experiencing a little glimpse of what it was like to be in my brother's world with an adoring mother.

Sadly, my efforts didn't reap the rewards I sought, so I redirected my attention toward life away from the situation. I've always loved my mother, but just never felt she could love me the way she did my brother (I assumed it had something to do with disdain for my father; a man I knew by name only). Thankfully, God used those pains to remind me of what was missing for me and return them tenfold through my parenting.

When my brother died, I feared my mother wished it was me not him. This is what years of feeling rejected can do. Miraculously, God is doing quite the opposite and working in our relationship...rebirthing it. I have been able to share severe, painful memories with her from my childhood. When I was younger, I felt betrayed wondering why I wasn't protected. Today, I feel liberated no longer keeping the memories to myself. I literally hear a protection in my mother's voice. Yesterday, she told me she wasn't a good mother. I never want her to feel that way because any experiences I had positive or negative have enabled me to be who I am. But, for her to say to the daughter who felt ignored she wasn't there for me; well, that's the beginning of a new relationship in which I'd love for her to try again!!

Day 66: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing a glimpse of hope in a sea of despair. Thank you for working within my relationship to foster a rebirth of sorts. Thank you for protecting my mother from herself to allow me the opportunity to experience what I've desired for so long.

Lord, I have a friend who shares similar childhood pains. She loves and trusts you, but doesn't share the same hope for her mother I have for mine. Can you please calm her spirits, heal her wounds, and reveal to her the potential when she tears down the walls protecting her heart? 

For so long, I have been in her position. I haven't wanted to get too close or take a chance when the expectation was to experience more pain. But, you brought me out of that, God! You broke through my protective, placater, survival mechanisms and told me just say it and trust me. Thank you!

Father God, I ask you to reveal your desire for me to fulfill your plan. I am curious if I will learn my spiritual gift from you for you is counseling.

I love you.

Day of Friending

What do you seek in friendship? I found it enlightening to learn today the average adult American only has two close friends! How is that even possible? No way, right?!? Just look at the hundreds of friends found on Facebook accounts, surely this statistic is wrong...or is it?

What defines a friend for you? Would you share your deepest secrets with all your FB buddies? Would you accept honest cristicism from your FB pals (or would you "unfriend" them at their audacity of being direct even if it hurt)? Would you help strengthen these FB friends even if it took 101 attempts before your efforts came to fruition?

Now ask yourself, again, what defines a friend? Although this reality may seem disheartening, truthful and objective evaluation of friendship selection can actually help us seek and find people with whom we can surround ourselves in support, honesty, and love!

God shares many friendships in the Bible for which I believe many of us would be shocked if we witnessed today. I love how God's lessons captured for us thousands of years ago are applicable today in the world of "friend lists" and "followers!"

Day 61: Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me the foundations of fulfilling friendships are timeless in their application! Thank you for sharing your transformative message again through our pastor today! Thank you for "friending" me, even though sometimes I "hide" you in my news feed!

Lord, I desire to be like the friends you placed in David's life! I want to stregthen and uplift my friends. I don't like it when I lose my patience if my friends need repetitive support. Please forgive me when my black and white, take it or leave it approach impairs my ability to strengthen my friends.

Father, I want to be the person with whom my friends feel comfort and trust to confide in me. Despite the burden being a confidant may present, for friends, it's an honor, not a burden! Please forgive me when I haven't made time for my friends in need or been to consumed with myself to recognize when they need me.

God, I want to be the person who displays my love directly and honestly. You know I've struggled for so long trying to avoid conflict. But, Lord, this doesn't help my friends. The greatest expression of love is to share truthful dialogue. I ask your forgiveness when my conflict, hurt feelings avoidance has caused more harm than good!

I trust you and know your biblical lessons can fundamentally transform my relationships right before my very eyes!

I love you.

(As an aside, this is my friend Mindi? Could she be any more beautiful? I think not!!!)

Day of Digging Deep

Have you ever gotten to a place where you're just done? You're spent...exhausted...have nothing else in you! I'm pretty sure that's where my daughter started out yesterday morning before her last wrestling tournament of the season. She was exhausted physically, drained mentally, and overwhelmed emotionally.

However, as always, my daughter dug deep within to gain the necessary drive and determination to wrestle the best she ever has in all three years of wrestling. I don't know why I was surprised, this girl is resilient!! With only one other competitor in her weight class, my daughter dug deep to wrestle against an additional four girls who were 10 pounds heavier! She dug deep within to find an inner strength most of us would beg to have! My athlete dug deep to prove there's no point in showing up if you're not going to give it your all!

This digging deep and giving all is what I dream of Christians! With so much secular influence, we become exhausted fighting a battle that may seem winless. Yet, I hope followers of Christ can be like my daughter and dig deep within giving everything they have to fight for the souls of our fellow men!

Day 54: Heavenly Father, thank you for speaking through my daughter's actions to demonstrate a determination Christians should emulate. Thank you for allowing me the honor of raising her! 

God, it can be draining and disheartening living in a world so blinded by sin. Yet, I still view this world you've gifted us as beautiful! Every day, Lord, I witness your work in people, sometimes even without their knowing or accepting. I don't want to be a cynic of this world just begging for your return. Father, I want to cherish this beautiful life with which you've blessed me and dig deep to not give up hope. 

Father God, I'm not naive or too optimistic; I just trust in you. You could've  set the reset button countless times. It's your game. It's your play. You make the rules. Yet, you are faithful, loving, and trusting of the influence your followers can have in fulfilling your almighty plan. How wonderful living with trust in your great plan and not letting the world of negatives keep me in despair and unable to dig deep for you.

I love you.

Day of Reality

This is a circle prayer about reality, but directed toward me.

Yesterday, I faced some challenges dealing with some stuff really out of my control. Unfortunately, as much as I want to believe I can identify every variable of a situation to ward off potential issues, I cannot predict the future and need to just "let it go," like Elsa in Frozen.

Today, my family celebrated my lovely grandma's  birthday. In an effort to kill birds with stones, I asked for some advice from my aunt and uncle. I am so thankful for them helping me to see I need to "keep it real" and just let the chips fall where they may. 

My biggest regret for today:

Although my intent was to help a situation, had I been real with myself that I cannot foresee every variable, I wouldn't have lost valuable time celebrating my grandma's birthday. I'm very sorry and disappointed in myself.

Day 46: Heavenly Father, thank you for my family and their objectiveness. Thank you for reminding me through my poor judgement today lifting and trusting situations to you is truly the greatest gift I can give myself. Lord, thank you for the clarity I needed revealed to keep things real.

God, it's incredible how many times I've told others "just lift it to God, get it off your shoulders," yet I still have trouble practicing what I preach. I try to release control, release the worry, and just let you do your thing, but goodness it is so outside my comfort zone. Why is that? I know factually all I have achieved is through your great glory and mercy, so why is it out of my comfort zone? I'm a weirdo!! 

Father God, I feel embarrassed sometimes to show my emotion about situations for which I'm sadly accustomed? I don't understand why one day I can be absolutely objective and disconnected emotionally, and the next day a blubbering fool about the same situation. I know you've provided us various outlets for expression, but does it have to be through tears? Haha! Well, regardless, thank you for using my family today to bring me back to an objective evaluation of my circumstances and offering realistic solutions.

Without you working through those with whom I sought counsel, I'd probably continue trying to maintain control of a situation, potentially harming myself emotionally or financially. Thank you.

I love you.

Day of Anticipation

Okay, so there have been many things for which I have been hopeful over the last year: my faith, my family, my career. Finally, I think the timing might be right. First and foremost, my faith! Never in my life have I ever felt so close to God. Despite my fear of the unknown, I trusted God would place me in the right congregation, at the right time, and for His purpose. I have connected with this family in ways I never expected. I grow every week in my faith. I hear His direction loud and clear and try to avoid circumstances which may interfere with my journey. I've found opportunities to serve within the church and in the community, while strengthening my spirit. Above all, life's distractions no longer interfere with my top priority, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ!

Secondly, I used to be nervous speaking about my faith from a factual stance out of fear of not sounding inclusive. The reality, I'm speaking from my truths. Now as I interact with my family, I try to be more direct in my responses versus a bit wishy-washy. I love and trust God, no harm can come from speaking through His love.

Lastly, my career. So, yea, I make graphs for a living...I said graphs, no I don't grow grass (someone actually asked that once). I've become known as the "pretty picture" person. Can you imagine how disheartening this is when you once served in the USAF at the Pentagon? Let's just say comparing apples to oranges is not a fair comparison. However, I have been marching down a different path of late and may have positive transitions on the horizon!

God is good, folks! If you trust Him, if you lift to Him, and if you can wait patiently, miraculous things are in store!!

Day 44: Heavenly Father, thank you for your impeccable timing. Thank you for leading me at the right time and toward the right place to experience your glory in a way I may never had if I didn't trust you. 

God, please forgive me in moments where I've questioned your plan or purpose. I try to be patient, but I know my motivation comes from a lack of seeing the big picture. Lord, remind me in moments of weakness the amazing things you continue doing in our world today! Perhaps, Lord, my excited anticipation causes me to misstep, take matters into my own hands, or like Sarai, help you out (you know, just in case).

Thank you for your faithfulness toward your people, Father God! I pray my openness of faith can bridge a gap for someone feeling abandoned or wandering aimlessly through life. Thank you for your greatness!

I love you.

Source: http://keepingitpersonal.com/2012/08/anticipation/