Day of Soul

Sorry to disappoint music lovers, this isn't about Etta James, Ray Charles, or even James Brown! This prayer is about losing yourself to worldly things. Do you ever get discouraged about making more money, having more stuff, or achieving some professional status in your career? Let's be honest, who hasn't? When over 1/3 of our day is spent working and another 1/3 sleeping, it seems like we leave ourselves with very little time for our soul. If we can't check the work stuff at the door, we let the work time takeover our soul time.

Now consider what we strive for in our daily working. We want pay raises and promotions. Again, not a bad thing. But, what if we don't get those? We could certainly sit and vent about the circumstances stacked against us, subjective reviews, and politics as I did this week. Or, we can go to work every day, do the best we can, be thankful for employment, and leave the job at the door every night knowing we fulfilled the expectations of us.

I was so discouraged after receiving my annual review on Wednesday. I am used to being one of the employees achieving high ratings and opportunities for advancement. But, this time, I received average...meets what we pay her to do...nothing much more. I was completely blown away! There were many things I've endured over the last year with management disagreements, reporting to many chiefs, using my personal time to support another unit for whom I want to work eventually, and advancing my learning through certification classes. I was down right frustrated this wasn't acknowledged and rated accordingly. But, after hearing TobyMac's Lose My Soul (of course, right in the midst of me wallowing in self pity), it dawned on me, THIS is what I'm worrying about!!! I'm worrying about this worldy thing called a job. I'm letting a subjective score change my demeanor? I'm letting one measly rating out of over 20 years of evaluations hamper my spirits.

God spoke! He's said: STOP! I'm telling you this doesn't matter. Stop letting this world tell you whether or not you have value. Stop losing yourself to anger, frustration, defeat, despair, jealousy, pride. Don't lose yourself trying to gain the whole world; you'll lose your soul in the process. I created you with a specific purpose. Spend time praying. Spend time loving. Spend time searching and seeking to please Me. If you do that, I will reward you abundantly with eternal life in my kingdom!!

Day 71: Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me of the unnecessary burdens I place on myself when I get lost in human expectations and not your expectations. Thank you for laying out the perspective so clearly. I needed that hit me upside the head intervention to remind me what really matters.

Lord, I struggle with getting sucked into drama. I despise drama! I've turned away from several relationships because of my total disinterest in drama, particularly of the self-imposed kind. But, God, for some reason, when I'm around others who fuel the fire w/their own discontent about situations (even my situations), I can find myself easily grumbling right along with them. I'm conscious of the need to change this, but for some reason the message in my heart and mind, are twisted as words leave my mouth.

Thank you, Father God, for knowing I need firm direction in this area. I don't have interest nor do I have time for drama, most of all my very own! It's soul crushing!

I love you.

Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/23432860533684975/

Day of Life

Think about one of your most joyous memories? What was involved? Who was present? Where were you? Two of my joyous occasions are the births of both my girls. I'm sure a lot of parents treasure memories with their children as I do. Perhaps, you have a memory from childhood sharing a special moment with a parent. Maybe you've served a neighbor in need and found great joy in this service. Even still, perhaps cuddling with your sweet puppy or kitty warms your heart. Generally speaking, the common denominator for your joy is love you've shared, expressed, or received from someone.

How wonderful to know God created love...God created us...God loves us. For all the crud surrounding us in this world, people might question "where is God?" I proclaim as long as there is love in the world, God is alive and well within us!!!

Day 80: Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me of your loving presence daily. Thank you for loving me just as I am, broken and sinful.

Lord, there are people who question your presence when the world is consumed with wars, poverty, famine, disease, natural disasters, and turmoil. Please provide me the wisdom to convince others you are here within each of us actively revealing your presence through love. It's easy to use the harshness of this world to rationalize away your role in our lives, but much harder to see the love that lives all around us and connect it to you. Please shine your light on the countless examples of your presence to comfort those who have grown weary. Reveal to them the simple moments of happiness which demonstrate your extraordinary life among us.

Father God, as I continue enjoying the various faith-focused movies and music of late, I am overjoyed by the number of  lives being transformed by accepting Jesus Christ into their lives. 

I love you.

Source: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Mbu42SYFk0

Day of Rebirth

Yesterday was my birthday, but not just the celebration of my birth 38 years ago. More importantly, yesterday, I heard words which literally may cause a rebirth in the relationship with my mother.

First, let me say I miss my little brother. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him and wish his ornery self was still here threatening to kick some butt of any guy who has broken his big sister's heart (or trust). 

My mom and brother were best friends. In fact, growing up, I was pretty separate to much of the goings on because I didn't share that kind of relationship. Of course, it pained me and envy resonated. I exhausted myself trying to be "the obedient daughter, doing well in school, following rules, going to church, causing little drama" in hopes of one day experiencing a little glimpse of what it was like to be in my brother's world with an adoring mother.

Sadly, my efforts didn't reap the rewards I sought, so I redirected my attention toward life away from the situation. I've always loved my mother, but just never felt she could love me the way she did my brother (I assumed it had something to do with disdain for my father; a man I knew by name only). Thankfully, God used those pains to remind me of what was missing for me and return them tenfold through my parenting.

When my brother died, I feared my mother wished it was me not him. This is what years of feeling rejected can do. Miraculously, God is doing quite the opposite and working in our relationship...rebirthing it. I have been able to share severe, painful memories with her from my childhood. When I was younger, I felt betrayed wondering why I wasn't protected. Today, I feel liberated no longer keeping the memories to myself. I literally hear a protection in my mother's voice. Yesterday, she told me she wasn't a good mother. I never want her to feel that way because any experiences I had positive or negative have enabled me to be who I am. But, for her to say to the daughter who felt ignored she wasn't there for me; well, that's the beginning of a new relationship in which I'd love for her to try again!!

Day 66: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing a glimpse of hope in a sea of despair. Thank you for working within my relationship to foster a rebirth of sorts. Thank you for protecting my mother from herself to allow me the opportunity to experience what I've desired for so long.

Lord, I have a friend who shares similar childhood pains. She loves and trusts you, but doesn't share the same hope for her mother I have for mine. Can you please calm her spirits, heal her wounds, and reveal to her the potential when she tears down the walls protecting her heart? 

For so long, I have been in her position. I haven't wanted to get too close or take a chance when the expectation was to experience more pain. But, you brought me out of that, God! You broke through my protective, placater, survival mechanisms and told me just say it and trust me. Thank you!

Father God, I ask you to reveal your desire for me to fulfill your plan. I am curious if I will learn my spiritual gift from you for you is counseling.

I love you.

Day of Priorities

Parents tend to battle competing priorities trying to raise children, excel professionally, and develop spiritually. It can seem chaotic at times and weigh heavy on our shoulders when all these priorities are battling for top position.

Viewing them objectively, my faith is always first as everything positive results from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Secondly, my children's needs gain my full attention. Lastly, I focus on the expectations of my employer and my desire to be useful. Wouldn't it be so much easier if life was this black and white?

The reality is this objective priority structure can't exist (at least, not for me). When one aspect of life needs more attention than the other, it must move to the top of the list regardless of its position in the objective list of priorities.

One way I've found to help overcome the anxiety of the constant vying for my attention is to make lists. Even though I may already know what needs to be accomplished, writing down each task tricks my mind to feel success by checking things off a task list. Despite the tediousness of such an exercise, the sense of accomplishment is uncanny.

Day 58: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing me clarity to adjust to changing priorities. Thank you for your presence in my life so that I may never feel alone. Thank you for providing direction to help me refocus when my priorities are out of sync.

Lord, often people plead "if I only had xx hours a day, I could accomplish..." Sadly, we'd just fill those hours up too and beg for more hours. I pray for your wisdom in recognizing when the subjectivity of life's tasks skew the objective view of priorities. Please help remind us it's not more time we need, but how we use that time most effectively. 

Father God, may I always find time to worship you daily (thank you for your mercy when I falter). I pray I create unique opportunities to spend quality time with my daughters. I want to share direct interaction with each of them frequently regardless of the chaos consuming our schedules. I pray for motivation to focus on completing tasks at work in a timely fashion. I want to avoid letting work expectations overrule other priorities in my life on a regular basis. Thank you for protecting me from myself.

I love you.

Day of Blood

I know, the title sounds kind of morbid. Actually, this prayer is one of amazement for the young woman my daughter's "big sister" has become.

Yesterday, I was exhausted. I attended the funeral and burial service of a very close friend. It truly is a bittersweet situation as he had fought tirelessly for years succumbing to multiple surgeries and experimental treatments in an effort to have as much time on this earth with his family.

During his service, his daughter spoke of his greatness. Here's the thing, he was her stepfather! What this lovely young lady shared with the mourners provides the greatest testament to a father-daughter relationship! She stood before us and stated, "I am proof being a father has nothing to do with blood because there wasn't a drop of blood shared between me and my dad!"

Please tell me you just felt God's fantastic goose bumps!! Please tell me you can attest to such a profound statement. Please tell me you know a young woman as wise and loving as this young lady. I hope you do! I know her dad is so proud of her; I'm fortunate to have her as family.

Day 43: Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing me with the friendship of such a loving family, even if we don't share a drop of blood! Thank you for placing a wonderful, amazing young lady in my daughter's path with whom she has developed a sisterly bond. Thank you for your mercy on my friend's weary frame providing him medical support to ease into your kingdom comfortably.

Lord, I pray each person who has interacted with this compassionate young mother recognizes the pureness of her spirit and the blessing upon receipt of her uplifting smiles. Please watch over her family and friends as they continue grieving the loss of a supportive husband, loving father, and compassionate friend. 

Father God, I grieve the loss of my friend, but celebrate his life. He persevered where others may have faltered. He sacrificed where others may have squandered. He loved modestly where others may have tolerated boastfully. Thank you for reminding us through my friend blood does make a father, it just takes unconditional love!

I love you.

Day of Opportunity

When you embark on a journey such as maintaining a blog, I don't think you really know what to expect. There might be some people who anticipate massive doting fans or others who only expect family and a few friends to peruse the blog periodically. Either expectation is totally fine in my humble opinion! Surprisingly, my number one priority has been me (for those of you who know me, saying my goal has been about me may contrast with my normal stance on things...shocker!!). Perhaps, I sound selfish, but when it comes to improving my prayer life, I'm totally okay with sounding selfish!

Even though my primary goal has been to improve my relationship with God, I did have a semblance of hope that maybe my little blog could help introduce someone to God, provide someone support in his daily walks with Christ, or help someone through a challenge by way of my own experiences. I never expected this public display of my prayer life would open up so many opportunities to transform others. Holy cow!! I'm completely humbled by the warm responses I have received thus far and fall to God's amazing power to work through His children in spreading His love.

Day 38: Heavenly Father, thank you for your continued presence with me every day. Sometimes, I don't know what to say to you; sometimes, I feel a little lost. But, Father, you always know exactly what needs to be said and when. I'm thankful I shut up long enough to hear you!!

God, why did you choose me? I feel inadequate in so many ways. I'm not a biblical expert. I can't quote scripture like many others. I've made many many mistakes. I falter daily. Father, why do I get to be the one to help guide others to a better understanding of you? Why do I get this opportunity to help initiate discussions about you? How do I speak to your plan, expectation, infinite wisdom when I am so little in comparison to your magnificence? Lord, why have you bestowed me this blessing when there are an infinite number of people more educated, more compassionate, more eloquent with their speech? 

Father God, you have blessed me beyond measure! I pray this little public display of prayer benefits others as much as it has me. I am your servant and am open to all the opportunities this blog presents. Thank you for choosing me for this important task.

I love you.