Day of Tables

This morning I awakened with that "need to flip the tables in the temple" kind of anger. If you haven't deduced from my other prayers, I'm a relatively slow to anger kind of person. Don't let me deceive you, I can certainly get angry, have been angry, and will be angered by something in the future. However, for the most part, my anger generally gets compartmentalized in order to deal with an immediate situation. Whether it be me figuring out how I'm going to move forward from a situation or how I can help comfort and support a loved one who's been wronged, I often respond as a fixer and deal with the anger later. The issue with this is when the anger surfaces, it's a little delayed, out of the blue, and doesn't seem connected to anything I'm facing at the moment.

I'm not sure what was the catalyst that brought my anger to the forefront, but it may have been a fantastic sermon delivered by our pastor Sunday. Among other things, he highlighted our call as Christians to love EVERYONE. Sure, in the big picture, I can embrace this fully and will share similarly with others. However, when I consider it at a personal level, I'm disheartened knowing I have a difficult time applying this principle toward someone who has hurt one of my children. 

My anger revolves around the pain suffered at the hands of selfishness. My anger resonates from the lack of recognition and protective reaction to the severity of a situation. My anger haunts me with painful childhood memories I'd like left in the past. My anger centers on my inability to protect my children from the evils of this world. 

Thankfully, I'm not ashamed of my anger because I don't think Jesus was ashamed of His. I think it demonstrates my passionate desire to avoid pain and injustice for me and others. However, releasing the anger appropriately can be the our turning point to or away from God. I turned to God today and shared my anger, sadness, and weakness. My human side desperately longs to react with physical harm to demonstrate the protective momma bear instinct. But, such an action might seem fulfilling in the moment, but later on would multiply my anger and sadness tenfold. Instead, I leaned on the One with whom my battles are fought. Instead, I sent my pleas toward Heaven begging for His protective intervention. Instead, I longed for His wisdom to calm my anguish and let the angry moment pass.

I beg of you friends, when you're at a point of flipping the tables, lean on our Heavenly Father for His direction and guidance. No matter how strong or right you think you are, ultimately, God's strength is greater and His rightness is perfect!! Trust Him to talk you down from the ledge of reactionary emotion.

Day 103: Heavenly Father, thank you for your constant presence. Thank you for slowing my reaction to the powerful emotion of anger to experience the benefits of paused reaction. Thank you for your wisdom, protection, and strength.

Lord, it is in these moments of raw humanness we have the opportunity to trust in your power. All too often, we think we know how to fix situations or gain some sort of vindication. The reality is we only create more chaos and dismay. I appreciate each emotion you've provided and the challenge to turn toward you when we are faced with the WWJD question. Today was an interesting one given Jesus quite literally flipped the tables in anger; however, it would seem in what may to me seem the greatest anguish, disrespecting your temple outweighs any concerns of mine.

Father God, your timing is impeccable. You spoke through Pastor Scott on Sunday to love all your creation...all of them...even the ones toward whom I may have anger. You rocked my foundation and loosened the anger I've compartmentalized. I'm still angry, Lord. But, I know through time and with your direction, this too shall pass.

Father, when your Son lay shredded and bloodied, were you angry? Did you desire vindication for your child? Did you feel sad or at a loss for what to do? In some selfish way, I hope we shared in our reactions to the harm of our children. Selfishly, it helps me feel connected to you in an unexplainable way.

I love you.

Source: http://thebiblicalinspirational.blogspot.com/2010/10/love-language-minute-handling-anger-in.html?m=1

Day of Loss (Again)

I'm going to admit, the repetitive prayers about loss got to me a bit this week. Since Thanksgiving, I have lost three very dear people to me. One completely by surprise and two others who had battled health issues for years and years. The loss of my brother was shocking and still hasn't settled into my understanding. On the outside, he gave the appearance of finding a productive place in this world; but on the inside, he faced demons far too many people encounter. It's not often I cannot find the explanation or rationale in situations, but I remain perplexed by his passing, devastated by his absence, and numb to the reality (even though I made his arrangements, it's still a foreign concept to admit he's gone).

The latter deaths are bittersweet. On the one hand, I am so thankful their sufferings are over and they are finally at rest; but, on the other hand, I miss them. I miss my late night texts with my friend. He always provided me sound judgment in a loving way. He was supportive and protective, more than just a neighbor, a member of my family. As the weather continues to warm (finally), I'll be spending more time on my porch swing. I'll never swing the same. My friend, even when fighting daily aches and pains, climbed into my attic in the middle of summer to help me hang my porch swing properly. I was definitely doing it incorrectly and would've busted my bum on the first attempt swinging had it not been for his offer of assistance. They had witnessed already my bum busting on a previous occasion when I tried to use my body weight to break off the remainder of a branch...OUCH!

My father-in-law and I had an amazing connection. Perhaps, it was our shared fondness for our time in the service, the friendly banter we exchanged in support of our branches (Air Force vs. Navy; USAF always on top!), his beautifully simple view of the world and the eloquence with which he could describe what a complicated mess we've made of it, his adoration for God and never questioning God's love or presence, his unconditional love for my eldest who he embraced as his granddaughter immediately. I miss his smile (okay, and his ears!!) The last time I saw him, I kissed his forehead as I always did and told him it wasn't goodbye, but rather I'd see him soon.

I guess this prayer is a little selfish today. I'm tired. I'm not sure why people say things come in threes, but I'm hoping they're right. I beg God for a bit of a reprieve at the losses. But, then I think about more loved ones who are aging and ailing. My exhaustion due to grief pales in comparison to the sufferings of others. As much as I beg for a break, I should be trusting God for strength if it is His will to call someone else home.

Day 77: Heavenly Father, thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life. Thank you for releasing them from the physical bondage of sickness. Thank you for your comfort as the grieving process prolongs long past memorials and life celebrations.

God, I'm supposed to celebrate when you welcome home a loved one. I'm supposed to be joyful when their suffering ends. Why is my heart burdened by grief? Did you design us to grieve this way or do we force ourselves to bear the weight of loss? Are we so consumed with what we lose we fail to recognize what your kingdom gains? How can we find balance in this, Lord? I want to demonstrate your love and share it with the world, but how do I explain to a grieving mother why your plan involves the loss of her child and what good came from such a loss? During the funeral this week, I was reminded suffering is one way to bring us closer to you. But, what if someone is angered by you? What if someone doesn't want to listen to a scholarly explanation and would rather just live in their anger? How do I pull them out of such pain? I pray for your wisdom to know what to say, to know how to respond, and to know how to comfort those who need your love, but reject it because they blame you for their loss.

Father God, death causes such a confusing state of questioning. I don't question you and your great plan, but I question my ability to be used by you when I don't know the answers. I pray for your forgiveness if I don't hear you clearly, if I don't see you clearly, and if I don't feel you clearly. I know your Spirit is always with me and you will lead the way, but in moments of reflection, I feel inferior. Thank you for blessing me with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and wisdom; please teach me how to use them.

I love you.

Source: http://www.duoparadigms.com/2013/03/04/15-beautiful-examples-of-christianbible-verse-typography/

Day of Commitment

I speak of the successes of my children quite often. They are not perfect, certainly not; but, are any of us? However, there are fantastic lessons to be learned from their patience, determination, dedication, and perseverance. I think too often people feel like they can't learn from children because they haven't had as many life experiences, both positive and negative, as adults. I'd beg to differ. Children face all sorts of battles, sometimes being triumphant, sometimes unsuccessful. What amazes me are their responses to such battles.

My eldest is gifted; this is fact, not opinion. She achieves academically, athletically, and personally. When she sets her mind toward something, she gives it her all. She definitely struggles with the nerves awaiting the outcome and is known to catastrophize the situation a bit, but I have never witnessed her not giving her all; it's just not part of her DNA. She is a freshman and knows where she wants to attend college, what she needs to achieve academically and financially, what she will study, and ultimately, what career she desires. Not many children are prepared to make major life decisions in their freshman year of high school, but this is who she is. I wish more adults could find the confidence within them to "just do it," versus finding all the reasons why they can't or shouldn't.

Yesterday, was another example of her determination to achieve even when it wasn't something she chose to complete. She received an assignment in AP World History to research a topic; she chose Jonestown. She did the best she could with the assignment. Her teacher, impressed by the research and created documentary, encouraged her to enter the piece in the National History Day District Competition. My daughter agreed, though wasn't running around saying "look what I did." I soon learned this wasn't some competition where you submit something and hear back; she had to attend a presentation and interview with judges related to her submission. Again, she downplayed the event (it is a big deal actually), presented her documentary, comfortably shared her passion for the topic, and that was that. Then, came the judging. Perhaps, in the back of her mind she was curious how she rated against the other submissions in the category, but prior to judging, she was already determined to try again next year. Out of nine submissions in her category, my daughter's documentary received runner up....third place in her category and will be competing at the state level of competition. What a lesson of not giving up, doing the best you can, and letting the chips fall where they may!

My daughter's determination resonates in her faith. She speaks candidly, devoutly, and lovingly about Jesus Christ. Where others may be intimidated to approach complete strangers, she embraces the call of discipleship. She gets it! She sees her role in spreading the faith. She understands it's not a job for the next guy. She recognizes her interaction could be the only interaction someone has exposing them to Christianity and God's hope and love for everyone! This is how I want to be in my discipleship. I want to leave myself vulnerable knowing I've laid it all out there for others to know Him, know His glory, and most of all experience, the greatest love man has ever received!

Day 74: Heavenly Father, thank you for the lessons you relay through my children. Thank you for opening my eyes to seeing they are often far more mature than I am in my faith. Thank you for loving them, protecting them, and using them for your wonderful ministry.

I am indebted to you, Father! You could have selected anyone to raise these two girls and you chose me. I will never understand why I have the honor and privilege of guiding them through childhood and preparing them to lead others to you. I have so many flaws, Lord, I don't understand why I am so privileged when you have far more obedient followers. But, thankfully, it is with my human understanding for which I am left bewildered and trust in your greater plan and purpose. I pray I raise them as you expected and prepare them to fulfill your roles for them successfully.

Father God, I pray other parents take time to recognize the great gifts you place in their arms. I pray they value the limited time they have with their children. I ask for your wisdom in their lives to refrain from the feelings of burdens of parenting and embracing the job with gratitude and joy. I cannot imagine a greater honor than being a parent. I am saddened for parents who struggle to look beyond themselves, their wants, and their desires. Thank you for entrusting your children to me for a little while and teaching me great lessons in the process.

I love you.

Day of the Word

It's strange for me to comprehend there are people in the world who don't know about the Bible. As a Christian, it's my blueprint for life, my guide for tranquility, and God's autobiography.

Yet, even with these idyllic views of the Word, if asked why I read the Bible, I honestly have to say out of guilt. Admittedly, I feel compelled to read the Bible because that's what is expected of Christians, right? Thank goodness for our  Mutiply community group bringing this question to the forefront. 

What I desire (and need my humanness to get out of the way), is this all consuming, I can't breathe without it draw to the scripture. Just as it is written in 1 Peter 2:2 "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation," I crave this unwavering draw to the Word and let it be the guide for my days and nights! 

Day 82: Heavenly Father, thank you for revealing all your glory to me through the Bible. Thank you for your lessons, your direction, your expectation, your hope, and your love in an easy to follow roadmap that just requires its pages to be opened.

Lord, I desire the need other followers have for your Word. I understand why and can share with others to read daily, but I fall so short in my own daily reading. Forgive me for rationalizing away this disconnection. I'll justify it by telling myself "you're praying daily, you're reading spiritual books, you're hosting community groups, you listen Christian music, you attend worship, and you participate in bible studies. Don't beat yourself up if you're not reading the Bible as often as others may think you should." But, Father, all this is for not if I do not connect with you daily in the scripture. The Bible is our earthly glimpse into you. These words provide the deepest connection we can have to you, yet I fail to read. Please forgive me. 

Father God, you've used the "hit me upside the head" message so successfully in me in the past, why not now? Or am I answering my own question by saying you want me to crave not because you tell me to (authoritatively), but because my human heart desires this connection. Is that the lesson? Am I standing in the way to the life changing book because I have yet to surrender all and believe I need the Word. I pray for the wisdom to know the answer. I pray I get out of your way by surrendering all to you. I pray I may let your Word shower me with its cleansing power.

I love you.

Source: http://kittimurray.com/other/2013/11/07/three-pragmatic-reasons-why-i-read-the-bible-almost-every-day/

Day of Life

Think about one of your most joyous memories? What was involved? Who was present? Where were you? Two of my joyous occasions are the births of both my girls. I'm sure a lot of parents treasure memories with their children as I do. Perhaps, you have a memory from childhood sharing a special moment with a parent. Maybe you've served a neighbor in need and found great joy in this service. Even still, perhaps cuddling with your sweet puppy or kitty warms your heart. Generally speaking, the common denominator for your joy is love you've shared, expressed, or received from someone.

How wonderful to know God created love...God created us...God loves us. For all the crud surrounding us in this world, people might question "where is God?" I proclaim as long as there is love in the world, God is alive and well within us!!!

Day 80: Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me of your loving presence daily. Thank you for loving me just as I am, broken and sinful.

Lord, there are people who question your presence when the world is consumed with wars, poverty, famine, disease, natural disasters, and turmoil. Please provide me the wisdom to convince others you are here within each of us actively revealing your presence through love. It's easy to use the harshness of this world to rationalize away your role in our lives, but much harder to see the love that lives all around us and connect it to you. Please shine your light on the countless examples of your presence to comfort those who have grown weary. Reveal to them the simple moments of happiness which demonstrate your extraordinary life among us.

Father God, as I continue enjoying the various faith-focused movies and music of late, I am overjoyed by the number of  lives being transformed by accepting Jesus Christ into their lives. 

I love you.

Source: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Mbu42SYFk0