Day of Facelift

You may have noticed I've made modifications to the titles of my posts. I don't know if it was my daughter looking out for me or getting tired of listening to me worry about being "behind" in my prayer blog. Whatever the motivation, she encouraged me to simply remove the dates from the titles of my blog. It's funny how such a simple "facelift" can change your perspective. The blog is still in tact; the purpose is still genuine; but, the tracking of my posts has been modified. I was stressing. about being behind. I was stressing about the time I want to ensure I dedicate to each prayer. I was stressing about disappointing anyone out there who may be reading the posts. I think all legitimate concerns, but taking away from the primary purpose which is to spend time in prayer with God. Granted I get a huge bonus (a warm fuzzy, if you will) if I learn my blog may help someone in some way, but the primary focus is a selfish one. I want to ensure I stay true to the first prayer, having daily conversations with God.

As we've seen in society, facelifts change the visual, but can't fill the void found lying underneath the surface. This is no different with this prayer blog. Tricking my mind to not be disappointed if I haven't posted something every day is only surface; the underlying void I have been feeling can only be fulfilled through conversations with my Lord. I'm thankful my daughter made the suggestion to modify the titles because now I have no excuse for not reaching out to God.

Day 96: Heavenly Father, thank you for placing such a mature young lady in my care. Thank you for speaking through her and reminding me of my original intent. Thank you for your patience as I've worked through this journey to rejuvenate my underlying goal.

Lord, I humbly submit I have become lost in the topics, words, connection I could share with those reading my prayers. I have let my connection to this world jeopardize my daily communication with you. I worried if I didn't feel some profound thing to say, I shouldn't write anything until I did. However, that wasn't the intent. Rather, I should have been circling prayers around my need to connect with you daily in prayer. It is only through your wisdom have I been able to make connections, draw conclusions, and offer suggestions to coincide with my prayers. However, Father, I became motivated by the former, not the latter. I ask for your forgiveness.

Father God, you are awaiting my communication with you. You never leave me. You're not angered by my behavior. But, I know you are hurt by my actions. You are fully aware of my rationalizing. You are fully aware of my laziness. You are fully aware of my distractions. Yet, you still love me. How do I show my love and appreciation, by hurting you. I pray I continue to recognize the pain cause you. If I were to view you as my worldly father, it breaks my heart knowing I caused you pain. Being my Heavenly Father should be no different. Thank you for your grace and mercy.

I love you.

Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/52284045645994618/

Day of Loss (Again)

I'm going to admit, the repetitive prayers about loss got to me a bit this week. Since Thanksgiving, I have lost three very dear people to me. One completely by surprise and two others who had battled health issues for years and years. The loss of my brother was shocking and still hasn't settled into my understanding. On the outside, he gave the appearance of finding a productive place in this world; but on the inside, he faced demons far too many people encounter. It's not often I cannot find the explanation or rationale in situations, but I remain perplexed by his passing, devastated by his absence, and numb to the reality (even though I made his arrangements, it's still a foreign concept to admit he's gone).

The latter deaths are bittersweet. On the one hand, I am so thankful their sufferings are over and they are finally at rest; but, on the other hand, I miss them. I miss my late night texts with my friend. He always provided me sound judgment in a loving way. He was supportive and protective, more than just a neighbor, a member of my family. As the weather continues to warm (finally), I'll be spending more time on my porch swing. I'll never swing the same. My friend, even when fighting daily aches and pains, climbed into my attic in the middle of summer to help me hang my porch swing properly. I was definitely doing it incorrectly and would've busted my bum on the first attempt swinging had it not been for his offer of assistance. They had witnessed already my bum busting on a previous occasion when I tried to use my body weight to break off the remainder of a branch...OUCH!

My father-in-law and I had an amazing connection. Perhaps, it was our shared fondness for our time in the service, the friendly banter we exchanged in support of our branches (Air Force vs. Navy; USAF always on top!), his beautifully simple view of the world and the eloquence with which he could describe what a complicated mess we've made of it, his adoration for God and never questioning God's love or presence, his unconditional love for my eldest who he embraced as his granddaughter immediately. I miss his smile (okay, and his ears!!) The last time I saw him, I kissed his forehead as I always did and told him it wasn't goodbye, but rather I'd see him soon.

I guess this prayer is a little selfish today. I'm tired. I'm not sure why people say things come in threes, but I'm hoping they're right. I beg God for a bit of a reprieve at the losses. But, then I think about more loved ones who are aging and ailing. My exhaustion due to grief pales in comparison to the sufferings of others. As much as I beg for a break, I should be trusting God for strength if it is His will to call someone else home.

Day 77: Heavenly Father, thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life. Thank you for releasing them from the physical bondage of sickness. Thank you for your comfort as the grieving process prolongs long past memorials and life celebrations.

God, I'm supposed to celebrate when you welcome home a loved one. I'm supposed to be joyful when their suffering ends. Why is my heart burdened by grief? Did you design us to grieve this way or do we force ourselves to bear the weight of loss? Are we so consumed with what we lose we fail to recognize what your kingdom gains? How can we find balance in this, Lord? I want to demonstrate your love and share it with the world, but how do I explain to a grieving mother why your plan involves the loss of her child and what good came from such a loss? During the funeral this week, I was reminded suffering is one way to bring us closer to you. But, what if someone is angered by you? What if someone doesn't want to listen to a scholarly explanation and would rather just live in their anger? How do I pull them out of such pain? I pray for your wisdom to know what to say, to know how to respond, and to know how to comfort those who need your love, but reject it because they blame you for their loss.

Father God, death causes such a confusing state of questioning. I don't question you and your great plan, but I question my ability to be used by you when I don't know the answers. I pray for your forgiveness if I don't hear you clearly, if I don't see you clearly, and if I don't feel you clearly. I know your Spirit is always with me and you will lead the way, but in moments of reflection, I feel inferior. Thank you for blessing me with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and wisdom; please teach me how to use them.

I love you.

Source: http://www.duoparadigms.com/2013/03/04/15-beautiful-examples-of-christianbible-verse-typography/

Day of Confidence

When you've never really struggled to perform, perhaps in academics, athletics, the arts, etc., it's disheartening when you may no longer be the best of the best. Your confidence comes under attack; which may trickle over into other areas of life unrelated to the activity. This seems quite prevalent in youth sports. At what point, do kids move from participating for the love of the game to a ruthless agenda to shut out competition, aka their peers? How do they transition from supportive teammates to looking out for number one no matter whose confidence may be trampled? Sadly, I fear adults not only encourage, but also may be instigators of such dog eat dog behavior.

For those who are naturally athletic, but hit a plateau, this is quite an adjustment. Not only must a mindset shift to accept they may not be the best players, but also the need for encouragement increases to avoid obliterating their confidence altogether. Youth should be able to lean on coaches to mentor them both on and off the field. If they can't, they may perceive themselves as not good enough and give up playing a sport they love dearly.

There's certainly a place for healthy competition; in fact, it often motivates people to improve and strive to perform the best they can. However, when competition turns to pitting people against each other, the healthy aspect disappears. I've witnessed firsthand my daughter's love for a sport diminish drastically as a result of trying to vie for starting positions. When activities once so loved become nearly a burden and the joy sucked out of them, where is the benefit? When improving for the sake of improving is checked at the door in favor of wins no matter the cost, where is the benefit? When coaches break down players to the point of them questioning their worth, what is the benefit?

Jesus Christ didn't teach us an everything goes as long as you get what's coming to you approach to life. He taught us to lift, love, and support each other. Interactions with this teaching in mind can lend to maintaining confidence in all situations, even if you're no longer the best of the best.

Day 95: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing me the wisdom to guide my daughters through turbulent waters. Thank you for creating them with emotion and sensitivities which demonstrate their unselfish empathy for others. 

Lord, I lift my hands to you helpless. My daughter's confidence waivers. Her self worth diminishes with each interaction with her coach. When she should receive constructive criticism, she receives harsh rebuke. When she should receive supportive recognition, she receives resentful antagonism. When she should receive engaging mentorship, she receives confidence destroying interaction. Father, I ask for your forgiveness for my anger in this situation. I ask for you to overwhelm me with the appropriate approach to this situation to show your unyielding love when I'm not feeling quite so generous.

Father God, I ask for you to rebuild my daughter's confidence. She is your beautiful creation desiring wholeheartedly to serve you in any capacity you envision. No child should ever feel unworthy because she may not meet the expectations of one person. It is only your expectations we should strive to achieve. However, we live in this world and must be able to function effectively. I trust you can provide the needed strength to face this world with confidence.

I love you.

Day of Fears

Facing your fears can be overwhelming for adults, let alone children. Knowing my eldest had to face fears this week for which I can personally relate from my own childhood, brought about not only anger she endured anything remotely similar to my experiences, but also comfort my experiences lended themselves to encouraging words of support (I hope).

As you've read in other prayer posts, she's a strong, young lady and exceedingly more mature than I was at her age. But, fear is fear! Whether you're 14 or 38, we respond similarly. You feel vulnerable, unprotected, and unsafe. You're full of hurt, anxiety, and anger. This is what my darling daughter faced this week. With strength from God and an overarching call to show love even when it hurts, she's one step closer to those fears being behind her.

Day 76: Heavenly Father, thank you for your protective embrace that enveloped my daughter this week. Your presence provided a calming touch to her heightened fears and emotions. Thank you for placing her in my care and providing me the appropriate words to help comfort her spirit.

God, fear consumes us with irrational responses. It instigates reactions based often on emotion. Fear invokes a sense of urgency for response. Even in safe, protective cocoons, it jumbles our thoughts and emotions and forces us to respond to an invisible presence. It seems to get in our heads and transform fiction into factual intruders attacking our protective walls. Only through the strength and trust in your armor can we truly and finally defeat our fears. Please teach us to pick up your shield and fight the battle. When we are able to break through the mirage of attack with which fear surrounds us, we will experience a tranquility for which no demon of fear can penetrate. 

Father God, as hard as it is, I pray for you to reveal the roles and consequences of those who instill fear. Oftentimes, they are oblivious to their actions which potentially cause lasting, detrimental impact. I pity them, Lord, and ask for your revealing power to invoke honest, self evaluation which could be the pivotal point of transition in their lives. It is only through you, God, they will have integrity, ask forgiveness, and follow a new path.

I love you.