Day of Tables

This morning I awakened with that "need to flip the tables in the temple" kind of anger. If you haven't deduced from my other prayers, I'm a relatively slow to anger kind of person. Don't let me deceive you, I can certainly get angry, have been angry, and will be angered by something in the future. However, for the most part, my anger generally gets compartmentalized in order to deal with an immediate situation. Whether it be me figuring out how I'm going to move forward from a situation or how I can help comfort and support a loved one who's been wronged, I often respond as a fixer and deal with the anger later. The issue with this is when the anger surfaces, it's a little delayed, out of the blue, and doesn't seem connected to anything I'm facing at the moment.

I'm not sure what was the catalyst that brought my anger to the forefront, but it may have been a fantastic sermon delivered by our pastor Sunday. Among other things, he highlighted our call as Christians to love EVERYONE. Sure, in the big picture, I can embrace this fully and will share similarly with others. However, when I consider it at a personal level, I'm disheartened knowing I have a difficult time applying this principle toward someone who has hurt one of my children. 

My anger revolves around the pain suffered at the hands of selfishness. My anger resonates from the lack of recognition and protective reaction to the severity of a situation. My anger haunts me with painful childhood memories I'd like left in the past. My anger centers on my inability to protect my children from the evils of this world. 

Thankfully, I'm not ashamed of my anger because I don't think Jesus was ashamed of His. I think it demonstrates my passionate desire to avoid pain and injustice for me and others. However, releasing the anger appropriately can be the our turning point to or away from God. I turned to God today and shared my anger, sadness, and weakness. My human side desperately longs to react with physical harm to demonstrate the protective momma bear instinct. But, such an action might seem fulfilling in the moment, but later on would multiply my anger and sadness tenfold. Instead, I leaned on the One with whom my battles are fought. Instead, I sent my pleas toward Heaven begging for His protective intervention. Instead, I longed for His wisdom to calm my anguish and let the angry moment pass.

I beg of you friends, when you're at a point of flipping the tables, lean on our Heavenly Father for His direction and guidance. No matter how strong or right you think you are, ultimately, God's strength is greater and His rightness is perfect!! Trust Him to talk you down from the ledge of reactionary emotion.

Day 103: Heavenly Father, thank you for your constant presence. Thank you for slowing my reaction to the powerful emotion of anger to experience the benefits of paused reaction. Thank you for your wisdom, protection, and strength.

Lord, it is in these moments of raw humanness we have the opportunity to trust in your power. All too often, we think we know how to fix situations or gain some sort of vindication. The reality is we only create more chaos and dismay. I appreciate each emotion you've provided and the challenge to turn toward you when we are faced with the WWJD question. Today was an interesting one given Jesus quite literally flipped the tables in anger; however, it would seem in what may to me seem the greatest anguish, disrespecting your temple outweighs any concerns of mine.

Father God, your timing is impeccable. You spoke through Pastor Scott on Sunday to love all your creation...all of them...even the ones toward whom I may have anger. You rocked my foundation and loosened the anger I've compartmentalized. I'm still angry, Lord. But, I know through time and with your direction, this too shall pass.

Father, when your Son lay shredded and bloodied, were you angry? Did you desire vindication for your child? Did you feel sad or at a loss for what to do? In some selfish way, I hope we shared in our reactions to the harm of our children. Selfishly, it helps me feel connected to you in an unexplainable way.

I love you.

Source: http://thebiblicalinspirational.blogspot.com/2010/10/love-language-minute-handling-anger-in.html?m=1

Day of Need

I suppose if you've been hanging out with me over these last 100 prayers, you embrace the power of prayer. I know when I lift heartache and pains to God through prayer, He has the power to heal wounds and strengthen spirits. If you share my belief, I ask for you to do me a favor today. There are several people with whom I know are facing turmoil in their marriages. There's no need to share details, just please trust me when I say people are hurting. In fact, you may know people in your own life who are facing anguish in their marriages.

My request is if you trust God's miraculous power, share this prayer today with others. I ask us to pray together for those struggling. Let us not dwell on the causes of the marital hardships, but rather on the healing these people need from our Heavenly Father. Speaking for myself, sometimes the answer is not saving the marriage. Sometimes, the answer is healing from the pain, learning to forgive, and finding peace away from a broken path once followed. Whatever you desire to pray for those we know are hurting is between you and God. All I ask is if you do trust in His comfort and healing power, please participate in a joint prayer.

Tonight, my prayer will be reciting the words from Matt Maher's song "Lord, I Need You." Thank you.

Day 100: Heavenly Father, thank you for your healing power from heartache, painful discord, and lost love. Thank you for demonstrating your miraculous work through the most unsuspecting among us. Thank you for watching over those I care for tonight. Please provide them peace in knowing they can rely on you for comfort and healing...I want them to know they need you.

LORD, I NEED YOU (Matt Maher)

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/matt-maher/lord-i-need-you-lyrics/#uP4RULhCoZsvikIB.99

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/matt-maher/lord-i-need-you-lyrics/#uP4RULhCoZsvikIB.99

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You


I love you.

Source: mattmaherVEVO (Official Lord, I Need You video)

Day of Loss (Again)

I'm going to admit, the repetitive prayers about loss got to me a bit this week. Since Thanksgiving, I have lost three very dear people to me. One completely by surprise and two others who had battled health issues for years and years. The loss of my brother was shocking and still hasn't settled into my understanding. On the outside, he gave the appearance of finding a productive place in this world; but on the inside, he faced demons far too many people encounter. It's not often I cannot find the explanation or rationale in situations, but I remain perplexed by his passing, devastated by his absence, and numb to the reality (even though I made his arrangements, it's still a foreign concept to admit he's gone).

The latter deaths are bittersweet. On the one hand, I am so thankful their sufferings are over and they are finally at rest; but, on the other hand, I miss them. I miss my late night texts with my friend. He always provided me sound judgment in a loving way. He was supportive and protective, more than just a neighbor, a member of my family. As the weather continues to warm (finally), I'll be spending more time on my porch swing. I'll never swing the same. My friend, even when fighting daily aches and pains, climbed into my attic in the middle of summer to help me hang my porch swing properly. I was definitely doing it incorrectly and would've busted my bum on the first attempt swinging had it not been for his offer of assistance. They had witnessed already my bum busting on a previous occasion when I tried to use my body weight to break off the remainder of a branch...OUCH!

My father-in-law and I had an amazing connection. Perhaps, it was our shared fondness for our time in the service, the friendly banter we exchanged in support of our branches (Air Force vs. Navy; USAF always on top!), his beautifully simple view of the world and the eloquence with which he could describe what a complicated mess we've made of it, his adoration for God and never questioning God's love or presence, his unconditional love for my eldest who he embraced as his granddaughter immediately. I miss his smile (okay, and his ears!!) The last time I saw him, I kissed his forehead as I always did and told him it wasn't goodbye, but rather I'd see him soon.

I guess this prayer is a little selfish today. I'm tired. I'm not sure why people say things come in threes, but I'm hoping they're right. I beg God for a bit of a reprieve at the losses. But, then I think about more loved ones who are aging and ailing. My exhaustion due to grief pales in comparison to the sufferings of others. As much as I beg for a break, I should be trusting God for strength if it is His will to call someone else home.

Day 77: Heavenly Father, thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life. Thank you for releasing them from the physical bondage of sickness. Thank you for your comfort as the grieving process prolongs long past memorials and life celebrations.

God, I'm supposed to celebrate when you welcome home a loved one. I'm supposed to be joyful when their suffering ends. Why is my heart burdened by grief? Did you design us to grieve this way or do we force ourselves to bear the weight of loss? Are we so consumed with what we lose we fail to recognize what your kingdom gains? How can we find balance in this, Lord? I want to demonstrate your love and share it with the world, but how do I explain to a grieving mother why your plan involves the loss of her child and what good came from such a loss? During the funeral this week, I was reminded suffering is one way to bring us closer to you. But, what if someone is angered by you? What if someone doesn't want to listen to a scholarly explanation and would rather just live in their anger? How do I pull them out of such pain? I pray for your wisdom to know what to say, to know how to respond, and to know how to comfort those who need your love, but reject it because they blame you for their loss.

Father God, death causes such a confusing state of questioning. I don't question you and your great plan, but I question my ability to be used by you when I don't know the answers. I pray for your forgiveness if I don't hear you clearly, if I don't see you clearly, and if I don't feel you clearly. I know your Spirit is always with me and you will lead the way, but in moments of reflection, I feel inferior. Thank you for blessing me with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and wisdom; please teach me how to use them.

I love you.

Source: http://www.duoparadigms.com/2013/03/04/15-beautiful-examples-of-christianbible-verse-typography/

Day of Testimony

What is your testimony? Everyone has one. It's your life story that has brought you to where you are in your faith journey. Sometimes, it's painful childhood experiences from which God has provided rescue and comfort. Other times, it's the void God has filled in a life consumed with emptiness. Whatever your testimony, if you are able to share it with others (as painful or embarrassing as it may be), lives could be transformed!

Last Thursday, I had the opportunity to hear my daughter share her testimony. I already knew the intimate details, but to hear my daughter share openly and not focus on the circumstances, but the strength, comfort, and love God provided during the extremely difficult time is inspiring. Many who have suffered similarly to my daughter (the details are not important) fall victim to hurt, anger, and shame. But, rather than remain stuck in a see of despair, she cried out to God to lift and heal her. Her trust in God provides the strength necessary to not let negativity define you, but to let your release to God transform you.

Day 86: Heavenly Father, thank you for drawing my daughter to you in her time of despair. Thank you for using her as a testament to your miraculous healing power. 

Lord, my daughter's testimony has been the catalyst needed to start some discussions with kids experiencing similar circumstances. I'm so thankful for your healing power. I pray those kids who may begin to break through the protective shield of silence will lean on you for strength and comfort. Draw them out of despair, Lord, and reveal to them your presence and support. It's challenging for children who cannot see you to know their pains can still be healed through you. As I have needed, please bombard them with your presence so they may literally feel you holding them close.

Father God, please continue your work in your people who have suffered tragedy. They may blame you. They may deny you. They may condemn you. Lord, they know not what they do. They are blinded by pessimism and disbelief. Reveal yourself to them in a convincing manner for which they know only through you could such a vision be seen. We may not always have the strength to reach you, but you do.

I love you. 

Day of Fears

Facing your fears can be overwhelming for adults, let alone children. Knowing my eldest had to face fears this week for which I can personally relate from my own childhood, brought about not only anger she endured anything remotely similar to my experiences, but also comfort my experiences lended themselves to encouraging words of support (I hope).

As you've read in other prayer posts, she's a strong, young lady and exceedingly more mature than I was at her age. But, fear is fear! Whether you're 14 or 38, we respond similarly. You feel vulnerable, unprotected, and unsafe. You're full of hurt, anxiety, and anger. This is what my darling daughter faced this week. With strength from God and an overarching call to show love even when it hurts, she's one step closer to those fears being behind her.

Day 76: Heavenly Father, thank you for your protective embrace that enveloped my daughter this week. Your presence provided a calming touch to her heightened fears and emotions. Thank you for placing her in my care and providing me the appropriate words to help comfort her spirit.

God, fear consumes us with irrational responses. It instigates reactions based often on emotion. Fear invokes a sense of urgency for response. Even in safe, protective cocoons, it jumbles our thoughts and emotions and forces us to respond to an invisible presence. It seems to get in our heads and transform fiction into factual intruders attacking our protective walls. Only through the strength and trust in your armor can we truly and finally defeat our fears. Please teach us to pick up your shield and fight the battle. When we are able to break through the mirage of attack with which fear surrounds us, we will experience a tranquility for which no demon of fear can penetrate. 

Father God, as hard as it is, I pray for you to reveal the roles and consequences of those who instill fear. Oftentimes, they are oblivious to their actions which potentially cause lasting, detrimental impact. I pity them, Lord, and ask for your revealing power to invoke honest, self evaluation which could be the pivotal point of transition in their lives. It is only through you, God, they will have integrity, ask forgiveness, and follow a new path.

I love you.

Day of Friending

What do you seek in friendship? I found it enlightening to learn today the average adult American only has two close friends! How is that even possible? No way, right?!? Just look at the hundreds of friends found on Facebook accounts, surely this statistic is wrong...or is it?

What defines a friend for you? Would you share your deepest secrets with all your FB buddies? Would you accept honest cristicism from your FB pals (or would you "unfriend" them at their audacity of being direct even if it hurt)? Would you help strengthen these FB friends even if it took 101 attempts before your efforts came to fruition?

Now ask yourself, again, what defines a friend? Although this reality may seem disheartening, truthful and objective evaluation of friendship selection can actually help us seek and find people with whom we can surround ourselves in support, honesty, and love!

God shares many friendships in the Bible for which I believe many of us would be shocked if we witnessed today. I love how God's lessons captured for us thousands of years ago are applicable today in the world of "friend lists" and "followers!"

Day 61: Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me the foundations of fulfilling friendships are timeless in their application! Thank you for sharing your transformative message again through our pastor today! Thank you for "friending" me, even though sometimes I "hide" you in my news feed!

Lord, I desire to be like the friends you placed in David's life! I want to stregthen and uplift my friends. I don't like it when I lose my patience if my friends need repetitive support. Please forgive me when my black and white, take it or leave it approach impairs my ability to strengthen my friends.

Father, I want to be the person with whom my friends feel comfort and trust to confide in me. Despite the burden being a confidant may present, for friends, it's an honor, not a burden! Please forgive me when I haven't made time for my friends in need or been to consumed with myself to recognize when they need me.

God, I want to be the person who displays my love directly and honestly. You know I've struggled for so long trying to avoid conflict. But, Lord, this doesn't help my friends. The greatest expression of love is to share truthful dialogue. I ask your forgiveness when my conflict, hurt feelings avoidance has caused more harm than good!

I trust you and know your biblical lessons can fundamentally transform my relationships right before my very eyes!

I love you.

(As an aside, this is my friend Mindi? Could she be any more beautiful? I think not!!!)

Day of Bonding

The last couple of weekends has been filled with lots of bonding with my girls!! Last weekend was full of wrestling, supporting my daughter's teammates and cheering her on during the girls state  tournament!

This weekend, my girls and I jammed to Jamie Grace, Third Day, and Skillet along with Christians from all over Indiana. I can't think of a better first concert for my youngest. We enjoyed a reprieve between winter storms and squeezed in a some practice time on the bicycle and a swing date. When the temps started dropping, we howled with laughter watching "Everything is awesome!" Ending the weekend, we shared in fellowship while listening to a sermon applicable to anyone with friends (I hope that applies to all of you!) Quality time is extremely important!

Spending time together either doing activities or just hanging out promotes strength in relationships (no duh, Jasmine!) For some reason, however, even though we know this isn't rocket science, we overwhelm ourselves with other stuff we think is important. The reality is, in my humble opinion, strengthening relationships is far more important than having an empty sink or windows so clear birds don't see them (poor Windex birds), completing another workout at the gym, or responding to a few more work emails. 

We have 24 hours a day, but I don't think God's great plan includes consuming the majority of those hours cleaning, incessantly, exercising obsessively, or working exhaustively. If that were true, Jesus would have taught the greatest commandment is love God with all your might and the second is vacuum your floors religiously, burn calories exponentially, and work overtime obediently.

Day 60: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing me clarity in identifying priorities. Thank you for being the center of my life and funneling your positivity into my family. Thank you for the continued growth in the relationships with my children and the foundation for lasting friendships between us.

Lord, I wish I could help others experience the joy I have setting aside other activities when rainbow loom bracelets are requested! Housework is always present, yet we constantly tackle it as if we believe once it's complete, then we'll have time for fostering relationships. We tell ourselves once we look a little better physically, then we'll make time for our loved ones. We convince ourselves achieving certain statuses professionally helps relationships personally. 

God, how can I convince others even when their efforts are admirable (like working extra hours to pay bills or losing weight to be healthier), their lack of time bonding in relationships can have far greater detrimental impact than financial or physical. Or, Father, is it me who needs better understanding?

Father God, sometimes I struggle with seeing the gray when your direction seems so black and white. Please forgive me if my lack of understanding doesn't respect the struggles of others. I want to uphold your two greatest commandments by bringing people closer to you and help strengthen people's relationships!

I love you.