Day of Direction

There are countless things I love about God (you know I can ramble, so probably best to leave it at "countless"). One of my favorite things is His direction. I am a person who loves to know what is expected of me. I like being told what to do. No, no, not some "1950s, woman go make me dinner, and rub my feet" kind of demands, but rather clear cut expectations for which I can achieve and surpass (hopefully). I do well with approval and affirmation (you may recall, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so this kind of makes sense). The military was a perfect setting for me because there are clear roles, expectations, and accolades for success.

God provides two directions which go hand in hand, in my humble opinion, and my favorites. First, the two greatest commandments: love God and love others. Second, disciple making: go and make disciples. We get these all jumbled and confused when we try to analyze them "what does this mean, what does that mean." In reality, they are extremely simple, at least for me. Even in my most confused and pained moments, I never stopped loving God or blamed Him for my circumstances. Heck, I wouldn't be who I am today, without God's love working through people to guide and protect me.

Some people have asked me how do I know He exists when I can't see Him. I answer very directly: I see Him everywhere. I see Him in my children. I see Him in my family. I see Him in the beauty of nature. I see Him in the compassionate neighbor. I see Him in a volunteer. I see Him, I feel Him, and I experience Him. This leads me to the second, experiencing His love. From a secular view, I suppose some might say I've been lucky to turn out the way I have. No luck, all love!! I was given a loving family to watch over me when my mother couldn't. I was welcomed by a spiritually nurturing church fostering my understanding and demonstrating God's nonjudgmental love of His people. I was placed on paths with supportive teachers, mentors, friends, coworkers, and bosses all looking out for me in ways most people may not have the pleasure of recognizing. It's easy for me to follow the second commandment as well because I want to share with others what I have experienced first hand.

Making disciples. Of course, it sounds hypocritical for me to say "don't analyze, just do" when I'm hosting a weekly community group to learn how to make disciples. But, the concept is simple to me. Jesus was the example, He taught the disciples what to do (and what not to do), He granted them great power, and said now go and do! Powerful stuff in a pretty simple concept. We even have the map to follow, if you will. Our jobs are relatively easy, emulate what is written in the Bible. Don't fear rejection, don't fear ridicule. You've been armed with the power of God: LOVE!!

Day 78: Heavenly Father, thank you for your Son, your direction, and your grace (when I get it wrong...a lot). Thank you for your patience with me when I complicate the simple with trying to rationalize away your intent. Thank you for protecting me from myself when I really don't know what's good for me, but think I do.

God, what an amazing honor it is to be tasked with spreading your love throughout the world. Perhaps, we only connect with those in our church family or maybe in our communities. But, every interaction showing your love can be multiplied exponentially. When we are able to understand we all have a part of the body, we all have a role in order for the body to function properly, you've prepared us with clear direction, and armed us with the greatest weapon, how can we lose? I pray for those struggling to understand their purpose. May you reveal to them the value they have in your church and the role they play to share your love with others.

Father, I don't know what John Lennon believed in his heart, but you must have placed something there for him to share the song Imagine. As I ponder the words, love resonates. At first glance, it appears he's very anti-You. But, you gave us love. Lennon says "let's live as one" through love. Hmmm...seems awfully Godly to me. I pray John did join you in the great Kingdom because he might be upset to realize You worked through him to share your love for all the people. Thank you for using all of us even those for which we may be surprised.

I love you.

Source: http://www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com/cheating-on-yourself/

Day of Commitment

I speak of the successes of my children quite often. They are not perfect, certainly not; but, are any of us? However, there are fantastic lessons to be learned from their patience, determination, dedication, and perseverance. I think too often people feel like they can't learn from children because they haven't had as many life experiences, both positive and negative, as adults. I'd beg to differ. Children face all sorts of battles, sometimes being triumphant, sometimes unsuccessful. What amazes me are their responses to such battles.

My eldest is gifted; this is fact, not opinion. She achieves academically, athletically, and personally. When she sets her mind toward something, she gives it her all. She definitely struggles with the nerves awaiting the outcome and is known to catastrophize the situation a bit, but I have never witnessed her not giving her all; it's just not part of her DNA. She is a freshman and knows where she wants to attend college, what she needs to achieve academically and financially, what she will study, and ultimately, what career she desires. Not many children are prepared to make major life decisions in their freshman year of high school, but this is who she is. I wish more adults could find the confidence within them to "just do it," versus finding all the reasons why they can't or shouldn't.

Yesterday, was another example of her determination to achieve even when it wasn't something she chose to complete. She received an assignment in AP World History to research a topic; she chose Jonestown. She did the best she could with the assignment. Her teacher, impressed by the research and created documentary, encouraged her to enter the piece in the National History Day District Competition. My daughter agreed, though wasn't running around saying "look what I did." I soon learned this wasn't some competition where you submit something and hear back; she had to attend a presentation and interview with judges related to her submission. Again, she downplayed the event (it is a big deal actually), presented her documentary, comfortably shared her passion for the topic, and that was that. Then, came the judging. Perhaps, in the back of her mind she was curious how she rated against the other submissions in the category, but prior to judging, she was already determined to try again next year. Out of nine submissions in her category, my daughter's documentary received runner up....third place in her category and will be competing at the state level of competition. What a lesson of not giving up, doing the best you can, and letting the chips fall where they may!

My daughter's determination resonates in her faith. She speaks candidly, devoutly, and lovingly about Jesus Christ. Where others may be intimidated to approach complete strangers, she embraces the call of discipleship. She gets it! She sees her role in spreading the faith. She understands it's not a job for the next guy. She recognizes her interaction could be the only interaction someone has exposing them to Christianity and God's hope and love for everyone! This is how I want to be in my discipleship. I want to leave myself vulnerable knowing I've laid it all out there for others to know Him, know His glory, and most of all experience, the greatest love man has ever received!

Day 74: Heavenly Father, thank you for the lessons you relay through my children. Thank you for opening my eyes to seeing they are often far more mature than I am in my faith. Thank you for loving them, protecting them, and using them for your wonderful ministry.

I am indebted to you, Father! You could have selected anyone to raise these two girls and you chose me. I will never understand why I have the honor and privilege of guiding them through childhood and preparing them to lead others to you. I have so many flaws, Lord, I don't understand why I am so privileged when you have far more obedient followers. But, thankfully, it is with my human understanding for which I am left bewildered and trust in your greater plan and purpose. I pray I raise them as you expected and prepare them to fulfill your roles for them successfully.

Father God, I pray other parents take time to recognize the great gifts you place in their arms. I pray they value the limited time they have with their children. I ask for your wisdom in their lives to refrain from the feelings of burdens of parenting and embracing the job with gratitude and joy. I cannot imagine a greater honor than being a parent. I am saddened for parents who struggle to look beyond themselves, their wants, and their desires. Thank you for entrusting your children to me for a little while and teaching me great lessons in the process.

I love you.

Day of Patience

There is a nine year age difference between my girls. My eldest will be 15 and my youngest just 6 in a few weeks (funny, their birthdays are 6 days apart). As you can imagine, the eldest daughter has a lot going on in her life. She's academically brilliant (in fact, just received runner-up in the National History Day District competition qualifying her for state), devout Christian involved in several Christ-centered groups, high school athlete in two sports (just learned this week she was selected to play for her school's freshman/sophomore softball team), and she's a social butterfly. The youngest, however, has had a few activities here and there, most of which involved the typical toddler ballet/tap classes; but, predominately, her time is spent supporting her sister in all her varying activities.

What amazes me about this little girl is her patience! She doesn't whine and complain asking incessantly when it's time to go or when something is going to be over. She sits for hours on end in bleachers cheering on her wrestling sister. She awakens cheerfully (okay, maybe a bit of coaxing to awaken her) to cart her sister to before school events and patiently sits in her booster entertaining herself while we wait to pick up her older sister from late evening events, even on school nights. She's a go-with-the-flow kind of child! I thought I was a pretty patient individual until she came along!!

I wrote a poem for my little one the other night at the passing of her grandpa. I hope one day she will know she wasn't just a surprise, but an intentional gift from God to transform this world!

His smile full of love,

His arms full of strength.

I wonder if her Papaw,

Knew why I chose her name.

It wasn't just tradition,

Or something kinda cute.

It was the inspiration,

Of this man I love and knew.

Her middle name's Noel,

It's suits her perfectly.

She was named after her Papaw,

For courage and tenacity.

She will not understand,

Why he had to go.

But, knowing that he loved her,

Will calm the sudden blow.

Please kiss his head and 

Squeeze him tight for me.

He loves you, dear Father,

And will join you peacefully.

Day 73: Heavenly Father, thank you creating my youngest with a calm and patient demeanor. Thank you for allowing me to witness through her eyes a very real "don't sweat the small stuff" mentality. Thank you for her loving support she provides her sister and the limited complaining when she isn't center of attention.

Lord, I am incredibly indebted to you for surprising me with such a lovely little girl. Despite the doctor's advice of "it's probably not a good idea for you to get pregnant again," you brought her into my life. When the doctors likely shared the "see we told you so" thoughts when I developed blood clots just as they had warned, you protected both me and my little girl from harm. She is a special gift who brings joy to all who have interacted with her.

Father God, I ask you to watch over this precious gift. Having to break the news to her that her Papaw has joined you in Heaven was heart wrenching. When I see her cry, it's nearly too much to bear. I know you experience this all too often when your children are pained regardless of the cause. Please watch over her, Lord! She will help lead your people to unconditional love beyond any adult comprehension.

I love you.

Day of Attitude

"Don't make me snap my fingers in a z formation!" At least, that's what I wish I was yelling at the cat this morning. We were making fantastic time for school drop offs. With my "must only make one trip to load the car" attitude, the cat sneaked in the house as I was juggling my stuff while trying to close the door. Needless to say, I was swearing like a sailor!! I rarely swear, so for me not to be able to refrain from using empty curse words spoke volumes to my bad attitude. I hunted down the feline all the while swearing and lecturing him about his selfishness. Yes, I do realize he's a cat.

After I finally made it to the car, I realized there was only one minute to make it to school on time. Yea, strangely, I thought miraculously I could beat the clock, obviously failing miserably! If I haven't already painted the proper picture, my attitude was completely irrational. 

Then, all things changed! I stopped to get my morning IV drip...eh...coffee. I'm still steaming with frustration. As I'm randomly staring at others waiting on my order, I noticed a mom who appeared to have a less than one-year-old (she had a baby carrier in the back seat of her car loaded in reverse, you know infant style.) I felt sorry for the mom. She looked tired and worn (babies can sure do that to you). It was in this moment, I recognized a shift in my demeanor. I was no longer dwelling on my petty problems with the cat and delays. I paid for her coffee to help lift spirits a bit as she had mine and enjoyed the rest of the day with a fresh attitude!

What a fantastic reminder to love others even when we're stuck in a bad attitude moment! God teaches us that if you love one another and look past yourself, you can become part of His divine plan! What an honor to be able to be a part of glorifying God's kingdom!

Day 50: Heavenly Father, thank you for working through me today! I ask for your forgiveness when I allowed my silly problems to get in the way of your glory. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of a moment which may have transformed someone's day as you transformed mine.

God, as I continue exploring the spiritual gifts you have granted me to help do your will, I pray I will be ready and willing, whatever the call may be. I have fear I could not put it all on the line for you. You know in my heart I struggle with the idea "what if God called you to an Abraham/Isaac situation?" I proclaim I love you unconditionally, but would I if my beautiful daughters were at stake? You are a loving God and I don't literally stew in anxiety worrying about whether or not I will be called to sacrifice my children, but I do ponder whether I'm strong enough and have the right attitude to fulfill your plans for me.

Father God, could I make a request? I pray when you are ready to use me and I have doubt or question you, will you get out the crayons and speak to me like I'm five? I don't want to miss a chance to be a part of your great works because I'm wrapped up in my attitude and feelyou're  overreaching when you chose me! 

I trust in you and am your servant even when I am fearful. You won't have to drag me along; Lord, I am "coming after" you!

I love you.