Day of Equipment

On Thursday, while my eldest continued preparing for her upcoming mission trip, I took the little one to purchase her first softball glove. Expecting a quick stop at Play It Again Sports, I didn't plan much time for the excursion (she is only 5 after all). But, alas, ALL of the gloves in her size were gone. We tried some smaller and bigger gloves, but none of them fit quite right.

It's important for her to have the appropriate equipment to ensure this doesn't stand in her way enjoying her first year of softball. Off we went to Dick's Sporting Goods! We scoured the shelves searching for a glove with the perfect fit. We could've settled for her sister's hammy downs, but I want my youngest to have her own memories with her own equipment. We could've grabbed the first glove we saw, but if it didn't fit quite right, she might get discouraged and quit before she ever got a chance to experience the joys of the game. We could've settled for a baseball mitt versus one for softball (not too much difference at the tee-ball age), but it would seem like a compromise. After much searching, we found a glove she's excited to start using.

Searching for equipment is similar to church shopping. One of the things I love about the Christian faith is the variety of church families to join. Some people might suggest the slight differences in doctrine from one church to the next actually cause rifts within the faith or may foster rationalization for non-believers to say "you can't even agree on doctrine, let alone unity!"

For me, the variety allows people from all walks of life to find a church family who meet the unique qualities and life experiences of each and every person. You could borrow the beliefs of someone else or you can seek a congregation for which you feel most comfortable. You could join the first congregation out of guilt or obligation, but quickly become bitter and disengaged because it doesn't fit your specific faith journey needs. You could even choose a church which on the outside looks like what you're seeking, but the church doctrine appeals to congregants who may not align with your personal convictions, thus compromising a part of you.

When seeking a new church, I've found an unyielding desire to shop until I find one that fits like a glove! It creates my own memories/experiences along my faith journey, it keeps me falling in love with Jesus daily never becoming complacent and disengaged, and it allows me to reveal my vulnerabilities comfortably knowing I'm supported by others who share things of similar importance. Never give up finding a church to foster Christ's love within you. When you find a church that fits like a glove, you can embrace God's plan for you uninhibited!!

Day 79: Heavenly Father, thank you for instilling in me a desire to keep seeking my role in your church. Thank you for providing me free will to choose a church which does not distract me from fulfilling your role for me. Thank you for guiding me to Carmel United Methodist Church.

Lord, I pray each member of my church spends time in self reflection ensuring they feel our church fits like a glove for them. As much as I would never want to lose members of our congregation, more importantly, I don't want followers to feel complacent and not quite right in their place of worship. It seems more important to help believers find a congregation in which they can thrive for your glory than to ensure we don't lose numbers and financial offerings. 

Father God, I fear if we are not equipped appropriately through our devotion to you, our love for others, and our recognition of the importance of finding an appropriate church, we cannot build disciples who can build disciples. I trust what you place on my heart can help ensure my lasting commitment to you. I want to go wherever, whenever, and whatever!

I love you.

Day of Fears

Facing your fears can be overwhelming for adults, let alone children. Knowing my eldest had to face fears this week for which I can personally relate from my own childhood, brought about not only anger she endured anything remotely similar to my experiences, but also comfort my experiences lended themselves to encouraging words of support (I hope).

As you've read in other prayer posts, she's a strong, young lady and exceedingly more mature than I was at her age. But, fear is fear! Whether you're 14 or 38, we respond similarly. You feel vulnerable, unprotected, and unsafe. You're full of hurt, anxiety, and anger. This is what my darling daughter faced this week. With strength from God and an overarching call to show love even when it hurts, she's one step closer to those fears being behind her.

Day 76: Heavenly Father, thank you for your protective embrace that enveloped my daughter this week. Your presence provided a calming touch to her heightened fears and emotions. Thank you for placing her in my care and providing me the appropriate words to help comfort her spirit.

God, fear consumes us with irrational responses. It instigates reactions based often on emotion. Fear invokes a sense of urgency for response. Even in safe, protective cocoons, it jumbles our thoughts and emotions and forces us to respond to an invisible presence. It seems to get in our heads and transform fiction into factual intruders attacking our protective walls. Only through the strength and trust in your armor can we truly and finally defeat our fears. Please teach us to pick up your shield and fight the battle. When we are able to break through the mirage of attack with which fear surrounds us, we will experience a tranquility for which no demon of fear can penetrate. 

Father God, as hard as it is, I pray for you to reveal the roles and consequences of those who instill fear. Oftentimes, they are oblivious to their actions which potentially cause lasting, detrimental impact. I pity them, Lord, and ask for your revealing power to invoke honest, self evaluation which could be the pivotal point of transition in their lives. It is only through you, God, they will have integrity, ask forgiveness, and follow a new path.

I love you.

Day of Following

Over the last couple of months, our pastor's messages have resonated with me to show love. As I mentioned a few days ago, I firmly believe God's timing is intentional for where I am in my life. After the loss of my brother, something had to change. I could no longer show God's love at arm's length or in a constant state of prefacing every interaction with "this is just what I believe."

Then, came the sermons :-) First, prayer, not in theory, but practical application. Second, Jesus Christ, all attributes: teacher, miracle worker, rebel, leader, Savior. Third, Holy Spirit, the who and the why. Presently, Disciples, how can we multiply and exponentially transform lives through the two greatest commandments: Love God and love each other. Perhaps, Pastor Scott didn't have a roadmap getting us specifically to multiply disciples, but I firmly believe God's plan was calculated and fulfilled intentionally through our pastor! What an honor to follow this "yellow brick road" to build others for the glory of God!

Day 70: Heavenly Father, thank you for your faithfulness in your people to commit to your Word:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 NIV)

Lord, considering who you are and the power bestowed on the original disciples, it's difficult to wrap my mind around being able to have the same impact. I'm not the most knowledgable, I have doubts in my abilities, and I am scared of rejection. But, I trust you, God. I place my life before you and I am prepared to receive your wisdom to answer the tough questions, I embrace what we spiritual gift you've provided (even hospitality), and I find comfort knowing rejection itself is out of others' fears of needed changes in their lives. I fall to my knees in awe of your greatness! 

I love you.

Day of Preparation

Could you be part of the starting lineup if you didn't practice? I suppose you could be, but how would you fair on the team? You may face embarrassment, ridicule, and slander, completely unmotivated to ever try again.

The same can be said for creating disciples. Would spreading God's message using people who enjoyed the light, poetic parts of the Bible, but didn't make the hard choices, have a long-lasting effect? Not likely. An interest may develop initially and possibly explored. But, when the kumbaya aura wore off and people faced decisions like giving up lifestyles of comfort or turning away from self-satisfying sinful behavior, the effect would be short-lived. 

Making disciples requires the disciple maker to prepare himself with not only knowledge, but also recognition of the motivation behind such a transformation. As I've pondered my motivation, I was initially concerned what drives me to participate in one of our community groups. I'm nervous because I have limited biblical knowledge compared to so many. I won't have all the answers and may not know where to find the answers. I've led youth group topical discussions, but not a discussion with my peers. But, then it dawned on me...showing God's love.

Unbeknownst to me, God's been preparing me for this opportunity. My commitment to this little blog has transformed my conversation with our Father and along the way helped provide encouraging words to others. My efforts to lessen my angst (lessen, the key, I'm not a saint) toward a coworker who disparaged me instead of motivating me have reaped rewards in my interaction with her. My directness, although for some may be too abrasive, has rebirthed a relationship I never thought would exist and lifted heavy, painful memories from my psyche. All of these changes have had a common theme, wanting others to experience God's love through me. I can't think of a better reason to embrace becoming a disciple maker!

Day 69: Heavenly Father, thank you for trusting me with such an honor to serve you! I am humbled by your confidence in my participation in a community group of followers. Thank you for the leadership within our church to recognize the bold approach we must take to be your true followers and obedient to your direction.

Jesus, it seems the disciples were not apprehensive when you asked them to follow you (okay, maybe Thomas had a little doubt). Is this true? Did they hesitate? Did they say "let me think about it?" Did they even bat an eye? My elementary understanding is they simply dropped everything and followed. How is this possible? What about their families? Their jobs? Their income? Loved ones relied on them. How were they able to just "about face" in a new direction? 

Lord, I pray I am as committed. I fear I could not turn away from my children. I trust you and say you are the center of my everything, but then I place qualifiers to that statement because of my children. I know you are a protective, loving God and would never command something of me at the detriment of my children. But, I still cannot shake the worry. Please forgive, be patient with me, and continue working w/in me to a full, all-in acceptance of your expectation of my commitment.

I love you.

Source: http://faithcommunityracine.org/content/ministries/children

Day of Math

Did you learn addition or multiplication first? Addition, of course. Why? I assume because it's easier with lower numbers and adding on fingers...clearly my scientific explanation. Of course, you have to walk before you can run. So, why even learn multiplication? To add exponentially?? Heck, I think my explanations are as good as any.

With multiplication, you can reach higher numbers faster. Think about it. Let's say you wanted to share with 100 people the cool facts about being a follower of Jesus Christ. You spoke to each person individually. After 100 conversations and a hoarse voice, you completed you're journey. What if you shared the facts with 5 people and those 5 people shared with 5 people. You would multiply your recipients in fewer conversations and create a domino effect through just a few directed conversations. Think of the impact multiplying could have in expanding the body of Christ! 

Day 68: Heavenly Father, thank you for revealing the true benefit of math...to reach your people exponentially. Thank you for Pastor Scott's vision to multiply your disciples via our community groups. Thank you for the honor of participating in this heavenly transformation in our community.

Lord, despite my nervousness, the honor to serve you in such a capacity warms my heart immensely. I will make mistakes. I will embarrass myself. (I won't clean my house well enough.) But, I will be transformed. I ask for your wisdom and clarity as we embark on this 5-week journey and beyond. 

Father God, I want to thank you for your relentless presence in my life. Even in the past when I have taken your presence for granted or distanced myself for selfish reasons, you always protected me patiently awaiting my return to you. Thank you for your warm embrace and faithful welcoming! 

I love you.

Day of Grace

I loved the Hunger Games series! Although the topic was rather barbaric, I found them fascinating by the storyline's unique quality. However, when I saw the first movie, I nearly left the theater five minutes into the movie. I read the same things depicted in the movie, but my imagination only let me visualize so much...thank goodness. When the same information was portrayed visually through someone else's imagination, I was overwhelmed with despair.

Similarly, most people have read or heard the description of Christ's crucifixion. Even though we've been told and read of it's horrific nature, it's really hard to process the true gruesome nature of it all through words. Have you seen Son of God? What about Passion of the Christ? The story's vivid portrayal of what Christ experienced all through man's cruelty is nearly too much to bear. I am convinced, it is only through the grace of God we walk the earth today. I don't know about you, but if either of my daughters suffered even a glimpse of the thrashing of our Savior, my animalistic Momma Bear would surface.

Day 67: Heavenly Father, thank you for your mercy and grace on such a self-serving people. Thank you for making us witness our own cruelty. Thank you for not treating us the way we have so harshly treated you.

Lord, what is it about humans that we continue sinning even though we have heard and "seen" what our sins cost and the manner in which you were lost? Is it not enough you sacrificed your only Son to save us? Is it not enough our evil ways forced a brutal, torcherous death? Is it not enough you saved us when we can't even put you first? Why are you gracious and merciful? How can we be created in your image yet treat you so viciously?

Father God, I am in awe by the measure of your love for us. We are not deserving. We are blessed by your grace and should work on ourselves to bestow such grace toward others. Thank you for still giving us a chance, despite our countless flaws and sins.

I love you.

Source: https://mubi.com/films/the-passion-of-the-christ

Day of Rebirth

Yesterday was my birthday, but not just the celebration of my birth 38 years ago. More importantly, yesterday, I heard words which literally may cause a rebirth in the relationship with my mother.

First, let me say I miss my little brother. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him and wish his ornery self was still here threatening to kick some butt of any guy who has broken his big sister's heart (or trust). 

My mom and brother were best friends. In fact, growing up, I was pretty separate to much of the goings on because I didn't share that kind of relationship. Of course, it pained me and envy resonated. I exhausted myself trying to be "the obedient daughter, doing well in school, following rules, going to church, causing little drama" in hopes of one day experiencing a little glimpse of what it was like to be in my brother's world with an adoring mother.

Sadly, my efforts didn't reap the rewards I sought, so I redirected my attention toward life away from the situation. I've always loved my mother, but just never felt she could love me the way she did my brother (I assumed it had something to do with disdain for my father; a man I knew by name only). Thankfully, God used those pains to remind me of what was missing for me and return them tenfold through my parenting.

When my brother died, I feared my mother wished it was me not him. This is what years of feeling rejected can do. Miraculously, God is doing quite the opposite and working in our relationship...rebirthing it. I have been able to share severe, painful memories with her from my childhood. When I was younger, I felt betrayed wondering why I wasn't protected. Today, I feel liberated no longer keeping the memories to myself. I literally hear a protection in my mother's voice. Yesterday, she told me she wasn't a good mother. I never want her to feel that way because any experiences I had positive or negative have enabled me to be who I am. But, for her to say to the daughter who felt ignored she wasn't there for me; well, that's the beginning of a new relationship in which I'd love for her to try again!!

Day 66: Heavenly Father, thank you for providing a glimpse of hope in a sea of despair. Thank you for working within my relationship to foster a rebirth of sorts. Thank you for protecting my mother from herself to allow me the opportunity to experience what I've desired for so long.

Lord, I have a friend who shares similar childhood pains. She loves and trusts you, but doesn't share the same hope for her mother I have for mine. Can you please calm her spirits, heal her wounds, and reveal to her the potential when she tears down the walls protecting her heart? 

For so long, I have been in her position. I haven't wanted to get too close or take a chance when the expectation was to experience more pain. But, you brought me out of that, God! You broke through my protective, placater, survival mechanisms and told me just say it and trust me. Thank you!

Father God, I ask you to reveal your desire for me to fulfill your plan. I am curious if I will learn my spiritual gift from you for you is counseling.

I love you.