Day of Reboot

My days are a little whack since I've been making up on missing some prayer days; forgive me for the dates. I know I'll eventually catch up, but until then, I appreciate your confused patience. On days I missed prayers, there were topics I wanted to address. One particular was rebooting.

You know how a computer can freeze up when too many actions are drawing on it's operating memory? I don't know about you, but all too often have I had to Ctrl + Alt + Delete and kill some of the applications. What a bittersweet action! On the one hand, it restarts the sucker; on the other hand, I lose valuable work. This is kind of how I got to this being behind in my prayers business. I mentioned in a previous prayer where I need to learn to say NO. In addition to this, I also need to learn sometimes a reboot is necessary, even if work is lost.

I took on too many things at one time. Not wanting to disappoint anyone (including myself), I tried to keep a happy face, but was becoming burdened with everything, even my prayer blog. My children's activities, certification classes, bible studies, and prayer blog were crashing into one another and freezing up my ability to function effectively. I felt I wasn't able to give my all to everything and started losing work (or, in this case, daily prayer posts and proper bible study preparation).

I have completed my certification classes, both my community group and bible study are complete, and my daughters' schedules will be consumed with softball at the same location. I feel I'm in the reboot mode. The chaos has slowed and with that the opportunity to selectively choose which activities I can dedicate my time. Learning to say no is an important step, but learning to reboot and redirect priorities is as well.

Day 90: Heavenly Father, thank you for not rescuing me too soon when things get a little too harried. Thank you for providing me the wisdom necessary to travel the life's crazy roads and make changes when necessary.

Lord, for those who honor Sundays as a true day of rest, I commend them. However, I worry perhaps too much is squeezed into the other six days of the week we end up on system overload. Rather than resting, I fear we may be crashing. Isn't something wrong with the modern day human if the only way to slow down is a literal system shutdown. Shouldn't we find balance in all our days so that we can make the most of each of our days? 

Father God, as a church, what do we do to bring these concerns to the attention of our fellow believers? How do you explain to the mom working two jobs to feed her family, she's working too much and will eventually crash and burn? How do we invigorate the church to sacrifice to this mom, so she may feel embraced by her community through your love and not continue trying to do it all on her own. Compel us, please Father! Lay on our hearts the burdens of others. Instill in us the necessity of community if we are ever going to be a church with the right center in priority. It is through my love for you, Heavenly Father, and the love for my neighbors that I beg for your intervention.

I love you.

Source: https://www.cpo-online.org.uk/catalogue.aspx?cat=1215

Day of Heart

I think I mentioned in a previous prayer (forgive me for the repeat, but it's a good kind of repeat) there are people who have stated in an ethereal, starry-eyed, softness that Jesus lives in their hearts. In a way, they are right in the sense that after Jesus' ascension, the Holy Spirit filled our hearts with God's eternal presence. (So, just as a reminder, if you think Jesus as the man is literally living in your heart, then a trip to the doctor may be in order.)

Knowing the Spirit is with me provides comfort; but generally speaking, I really only feel the Spirit's literal presence in those arm hairs on end moments. (As an aside similar to if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around type ponderance, if you shave your arm hair, do you still have the joy of feeling God bumps?) Back on topic. I would like to have those moments of reminding me of the Spirit's presence all the time; so, in some ways, although I'm overwhelmingly thankful, I'm envious of a neverending feeling.

Then, God answered! In my Spiritual Gifts class last week, our awesome leader, Sandra, provided the most amazing definition of God's heart. As most of us know and why it's sometimes so difficult to feel connected to our Father in the sky, God's vastness and greatness are beyond the comprehension of humans. Because He knew we could not understand and feel all that He does, He placed a piece of His heart in each of us. How does that hit your chest? For me, it's that out of breath, chest tightening, stomach collapsing feeling to think about God literally being a part of me and a part of you. Holy cow!! I don't know about you, but having a piece of God's heart and the presence of His Spirit certainly provides me that neverending feeling I've sought for some time.

Day 85: Heavenly Father, thank you for trusting me to hold a piece of your heart amongst all my brokenness. I'm humbled by your willingness to place a piece of yourself in each of us when we fall so short to your glory. Thank you for blessing Sandra with such wisdom to relay this amazing gift of yourself.

Lord, I take you for granted. You gave me life, I crave something more. You gave me your Son, my sinfulness killed Him on the cross. You gave me your Spirit, I want more than goosebumps. You gave me your heart, I surround it with impurities. Yet, Lord, you don't give up on me; your faithful to your promises; and, you protect me from myself. I am not worthy, but so thankful you don't give up.

Father God, your humble servants Sidewalk Prophets speak so closely to my desire to be one with you always. They plead for you to "make them broken." All too often, Father, we fail to call for you in all our sorrows AND joys. When we are lost, we beg for your presence; but, when things are going well, we act like it results only from our doing. I cannot ignore you during the ups and demand your presence in the downs; you are a part of me ALWAYS. Thank you for sharing a piece of you within me.

I love you.

Day of Forgiveness

Despite God's call for us to forgive those who have harmed us in some way, it's difficult, don't you think? An easier said than done type scenario! From the human perspective, there is something about forgiving someone for a transgression against us that's unsettling. I think we fear if we are still hurt by the other person's actions we can't grant forgiveness, or somehow by forgiving we're lessening the responsibility of the other person's wrongdoing. In reality, forgiveness is really about the victim.

After my second divorce, I was convinced there was no way I was ever going to be able to forgive such actions because of the damaging effects of lost trust; the pain, and anger were so prevalent. Thankfully, I realized (by way of God beating me upside the head with messages about forgiveness for a month) not being able to forgive was making me resentful, jaded, angry, and bitter. I humbly submit, none of these characteristics describe me. When I notice something about my demeanor that is really outside of the everyday Jasmine, I try to stop and take notice. Of course, I'm certainly human experiencing similar responses to painful situations like everyone else. But, if I'm the vicitim, I am more irritated that the actions of the other person have thrown my loving, positive, cheerful demeanor off-kilter. This is where ownership comes into play.

You can choose to let the anger, hurt, and resentment consume you and all future relationships or you can forgive the person proclaiming "I'm not letting the pain caused by your actions hold me back any longer." Of course, it's a gift to the other person as well, don't worry...it's okay. How many times has God granted us forgiveness, mercy, and grace when we have been so clearly undeserving? Sometimes, in order to help ourselves move forward positively, we might have to allow someone else to move forward as well. It's okay to show a little bit of God love even to the transgressor...I promise no harm will come to you.

Here is a challenge: consider one relationship for which anger, irritation, and hurt resonate when you think about the person. Objectively examine the situation. Write out the pros/cons for forgiving the person. Ask God for the wisdom to know how to forgive; for His embrace as you step outside your comfort zone; and, let God work through your pen to draft a letter to the person proclaiming your forgiveness. It's important to list out each wrong and proclaim I FORGIVE YOU! That's it! You release it! You don't have to think about all the wrongs and pains once you forgive. They no longer keep you hostage from experiencing the loving  positivity God seeks from us!

Speaking from experience here: the burdens literally weighing down your shoulders will be lifted. You don't forget what happened, but the sting of it gets a little easier. This is extremely important when divorced parents are raising children. Remember: what happened between the parents should never interfere with their mutual love for their children!

Day 81: Heavenly Father, thank you for not giving up on me when you knew it was time to forgive. Thank you for working in me to share this message of hope and reflection for others. I ask for direction to forgive the two other people in my life I still cannot bear to release the weight of their transgressions.

God, strangely, the bitterness and anger originating from hurt feel like they provide some protective shield for our already broken emotions. However, despite the initial safety we might feel in such a protective bubble, it's so fragile and eventually pops. From here, we're left vulnerable, lost, and disconnected. Save us from ourselves, Lord! Lay on our hearts the DESIRE to forgive, not just the OBLIGATION to do so. 

Father God, I pray my relationship with my ex-husband can be a testament to those who are stuck in the worldly expectations of how people should interact if they've hurt one another. Thank you for healing broken hearts and providing opportunities to show your love in all things. Without your wisdom, direction, and grace, my little one would not witness two friendly parents who can put their history aside to care for their daughter. 

Thank you for instilling changes within your people and guiding our temporary lives in this world to love you and love others.

I love you.

Source: http://acelebrationofwomen.org/2013/03/does-forgiveness-really-matter%E2%80%8F/

Day of Direction

There are countless things I love about God (you know I can ramble, so probably best to leave it at "countless"). One of my favorite things is His direction. I am a person who loves to know what is expected of me. I like being told what to do. No, no, not some "1950s, woman go make me dinner, and rub my feet" kind of demands, but rather clear cut expectations for which I can achieve and surpass (hopefully). I do well with approval and affirmation (you may recall, my love language is Words of Affirmation, so this kind of makes sense). The military was a perfect setting for me because there are clear roles, expectations, and accolades for success.

God provides two directions which go hand in hand, in my humble opinion, and my favorites. First, the two greatest commandments: love God and love others. Second, disciple making: go and make disciples. We get these all jumbled and confused when we try to analyze them "what does this mean, what does that mean." In reality, they are extremely simple, at least for me. Even in my most confused and pained moments, I never stopped loving God or blamed Him for my circumstances. Heck, I wouldn't be who I am today, without God's love working through people to guide and protect me.

Some people have asked me how do I know He exists when I can't see Him. I answer very directly: I see Him everywhere. I see Him in my children. I see Him in my family. I see Him in the beauty of nature. I see Him in the compassionate neighbor. I see Him in a volunteer. I see Him, I feel Him, and I experience Him. This leads me to the second, experiencing His love. From a secular view, I suppose some might say I've been lucky to turn out the way I have. No luck, all love!! I was given a loving family to watch over me when my mother couldn't. I was welcomed by a spiritually nurturing church fostering my understanding and demonstrating God's nonjudgmental love of His people. I was placed on paths with supportive teachers, mentors, friends, coworkers, and bosses all looking out for me in ways most people may not have the pleasure of recognizing. It's easy for me to follow the second commandment as well because I want to share with others what I have experienced first hand.

Making disciples. Of course, it sounds hypocritical for me to say "don't analyze, just do" when I'm hosting a weekly community group to learn how to make disciples. But, the concept is simple to me. Jesus was the example, He taught the disciples what to do (and what not to do), He granted them great power, and said now go and do! Powerful stuff in a pretty simple concept. We even have the map to follow, if you will. Our jobs are relatively easy, emulate what is written in the Bible. Don't fear rejection, don't fear ridicule. You've been armed with the power of God: LOVE!!

Day 78: Heavenly Father, thank you for your Son, your direction, and your grace (when I get it wrong...a lot). Thank you for your patience with me when I complicate the simple with trying to rationalize away your intent. Thank you for protecting me from myself when I really don't know what's good for me, but think I do.

God, what an amazing honor it is to be tasked with spreading your love throughout the world. Perhaps, we only connect with those in our church family or maybe in our communities. But, every interaction showing your love can be multiplied exponentially. When we are able to understand we all have a part of the body, we all have a role in order for the body to function properly, you've prepared us with clear direction, and armed us with the greatest weapon, how can we lose? I pray for those struggling to understand their purpose. May you reveal to them the value they have in your church and the role they play to share your love with others.

Father, I don't know what John Lennon believed in his heart, but you must have placed something there for him to share the song Imagine. As I ponder the words, love resonates. At first glance, it appears he's very anti-You. But, you gave us love. Lennon says "let's live as one" through love. Hmmm...seems awfully Godly to me. I pray John did join you in the great Kingdom because he might be upset to realize You worked through him to share your love for all the people. Thank you for using all of us even those for which we may be surprised.

I love you.

Source: http://www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com/cheating-on-yourself/

Day of Loss (Again)

I'm going to admit, the repetitive prayers about loss got to me a bit this week. Since Thanksgiving, I have lost three very dear people to me. One completely by surprise and two others who had battled health issues for years and years. The loss of my brother was shocking and still hasn't settled into my understanding. On the outside, he gave the appearance of finding a productive place in this world; but on the inside, he faced demons far too many people encounter. It's not often I cannot find the explanation or rationale in situations, but I remain perplexed by his passing, devastated by his absence, and numb to the reality (even though I made his arrangements, it's still a foreign concept to admit he's gone).

The latter deaths are bittersweet. On the one hand, I am so thankful their sufferings are over and they are finally at rest; but, on the other hand, I miss them. I miss my late night texts with my friend. He always provided me sound judgment in a loving way. He was supportive and protective, more than just a neighbor, a member of my family. As the weather continues to warm (finally), I'll be spending more time on my porch swing. I'll never swing the same. My friend, even when fighting daily aches and pains, climbed into my attic in the middle of summer to help me hang my porch swing properly. I was definitely doing it incorrectly and would've busted my bum on the first attempt swinging had it not been for his offer of assistance. They had witnessed already my bum busting on a previous occasion when I tried to use my body weight to break off the remainder of a branch...OUCH!

My father-in-law and I had an amazing connection. Perhaps, it was our shared fondness for our time in the service, the friendly banter we exchanged in support of our branches (Air Force vs. Navy; USAF always on top!), his beautifully simple view of the world and the eloquence with which he could describe what a complicated mess we've made of it, his adoration for God and never questioning God's love or presence, his unconditional love for my eldest who he embraced as his granddaughter immediately. I miss his smile (okay, and his ears!!) The last time I saw him, I kissed his forehead as I always did and told him it wasn't goodbye, but rather I'd see him soon.

I guess this prayer is a little selfish today. I'm tired. I'm not sure why people say things come in threes, but I'm hoping they're right. I beg God for a bit of a reprieve at the losses. But, then I think about more loved ones who are aging and ailing. My exhaustion due to grief pales in comparison to the sufferings of others. As much as I beg for a break, I should be trusting God for strength if it is His will to call someone else home.

Day 77: Heavenly Father, thank you for the wonderful people you have placed in my life. Thank you for releasing them from the physical bondage of sickness. Thank you for your comfort as the grieving process prolongs long past memorials and life celebrations.

God, I'm supposed to celebrate when you welcome home a loved one. I'm supposed to be joyful when their suffering ends. Why is my heart burdened by grief? Did you design us to grieve this way or do we force ourselves to bear the weight of loss? Are we so consumed with what we lose we fail to recognize what your kingdom gains? How can we find balance in this, Lord? I want to demonstrate your love and share it with the world, but how do I explain to a grieving mother why your plan involves the loss of her child and what good came from such a loss? During the funeral this week, I was reminded suffering is one way to bring us closer to you. But, what if someone is angered by you? What if someone doesn't want to listen to a scholarly explanation and would rather just live in their anger? How do I pull them out of such pain? I pray for your wisdom to know what to say, to know how to respond, and to know how to comfort those who need your love, but reject it because they blame you for their loss.

Father God, death causes such a confusing state of questioning. I don't question you and your great plan, but I question my ability to be used by you when I don't know the answers. I pray for your forgiveness if I don't hear you clearly, if I don't see you clearly, and if I don't feel you clearly. I know your Spirit is always with me and you will lead the way, but in moments of reflection, I feel inferior. Thank you for blessing me with the spiritual gifts of encouragement and wisdom; please teach me how to use them.

I love you.

Source: http://www.duoparadigms.com/2013/03/04/15-beautiful-examples-of-christianbible-verse-typography/

Day of Light

Whew! Thank you for your patience as I've caught up on my prayer posts for last week. It is rare for me to feel overwhelmed, but this week certainly got the best of me. Thankfully, I have a God-centered determination to maintain this as a daily blog (if I ended a 365-day blog with only 363 prayers, I would feel like I failed...I'd never say someone else failed, but I'm sometimes terrible with the practice what you preach). This time I spend with God discussing my day or whatever consumes my thoughts has provided me fantastic insight into my successes and failures, my joys and concerns, and my confidences and fears.

I have never felt more confident the words I share with others are divinely inspired. Sometimes, I feel like there are some people who have just not experienced God's love in a way that helps lift them from the darkness in their lives. On the outside, they make excuses and blame others for the circumstances in which they find themselves, the "it's always someone else who put me in this situation" mentality. On the inside, however, they are stuck in a dark and dreary state of loss, shame, and confusion. They may not even know they are doing this to themselves. Denial can sometimes be unintentional because it's too frightening to admit we may actually be the cause of living in such darkness.

I hope my open prayers with God can help those who are stuck in the darkness to experience a connection with someone who shared similar circumstances. I want to express myself honestly and help others realize they too can live in the light and they don't have to climb out alone. They have loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who are ready and willing to help pull them into the light and experience a new life filled with hope and love.

Day 75: Heavenly Father, thank you for using me in such a pivotal role to comfort and support others with direct and honest discourse. Thank you for providing me a venue to connect with people across the world expanding your love of the global church. Thank you for blessing me with words to transform, words to inspire, and words to invoke analysis of our inner selves.

Lord, directness can be scary for some people to accept. We've created a world of always wanting to feel good and wanting the easy fix. What we fail to realize is we are our own worst enemies. We want change, but don't want to do the work requiring change. We want different lives, but don't want to examine ourselves identifying some of our faults may be impeding our progress. We want to be pulled out of the darkness, but can't see the outstretched arms ready to help pull us out of the depths of despair. Ultimately, Lord, we need you, but refuse to see you when you're right in front of us. Thank you for never leaving us. Thank you for being ready when we are ready. Thank you for placing positive individuals in our lives to help us connect and lean on you through them.

Father God, I cannot imagine where my life would have ended up if I didn't lean on you. I cannot relate to depression because I believe you are the greatest anti-depressant money doesn't have to buy. I cannot imagine living a life of pessimism, despair, anger, loss, or confusion. I pity those stuck in the darkness and pray I can be used as a vessel to help lead them to your light. I pray you continue protecting those who are not ready to trust in you, but use those who care about them to lead them to a positive, loving relationship with you, our wonderful Counselor.

I love you.

Day of Commitment

I speak of the successes of my children quite often. They are not perfect, certainly not; but, are any of us? However, there are fantastic lessons to be learned from their patience, determination, dedication, and perseverance. I think too often people feel like they can't learn from children because they haven't had as many life experiences, both positive and negative, as adults. I'd beg to differ. Children face all sorts of battles, sometimes being triumphant, sometimes unsuccessful. What amazes me are their responses to such battles.

My eldest is gifted; this is fact, not opinion. She achieves academically, athletically, and personally. When she sets her mind toward something, she gives it her all. She definitely struggles with the nerves awaiting the outcome and is known to catastrophize the situation a bit, but I have never witnessed her not giving her all; it's just not part of her DNA. She is a freshman and knows where she wants to attend college, what she needs to achieve academically and financially, what she will study, and ultimately, what career she desires. Not many children are prepared to make major life decisions in their freshman year of high school, but this is who she is. I wish more adults could find the confidence within them to "just do it," versus finding all the reasons why they can't or shouldn't.

Yesterday, was another example of her determination to achieve even when it wasn't something she chose to complete. She received an assignment in AP World History to research a topic; she chose Jonestown. She did the best she could with the assignment. Her teacher, impressed by the research and created documentary, encouraged her to enter the piece in the National History Day District Competition. My daughter agreed, though wasn't running around saying "look what I did." I soon learned this wasn't some competition where you submit something and hear back; she had to attend a presentation and interview with judges related to her submission. Again, she downplayed the event (it is a big deal actually), presented her documentary, comfortably shared her passion for the topic, and that was that. Then, came the judging. Perhaps, in the back of her mind she was curious how she rated against the other submissions in the category, but prior to judging, she was already determined to try again next year. Out of nine submissions in her category, my daughter's documentary received runner up....third place in her category and will be competing at the state level of competition. What a lesson of not giving up, doing the best you can, and letting the chips fall where they may!

My daughter's determination resonates in her faith. She speaks candidly, devoutly, and lovingly about Jesus Christ. Where others may be intimidated to approach complete strangers, she embraces the call of discipleship. She gets it! She sees her role in spreading the faith. She understands it's not a job for the next guy. She recognizes her interaction could be the only interaction someone has exposing them to Christianity and God's hope and love for everyone! This is how I want to be in my discipleship. I want to leave myself vulnerable knowing I've laid it all out there for others to know Him, know His glory, and most of all experience, the greatest love man has ever received!

Day 74: Heavenly Father, thank you for the lessons you relay through my children. Thank you for opening my eyes to seeing they are often far more mature than I am in my faith. Thank you for loving them, protecting them, and using them for your wonderful ministry.

I am indebted to you, Father! You could have selected anyone to raise these two girls and you chose me. I will never understand why I have the honor and privilege of guiding them through childhood and preparing them to lead others to you. I have so many flaws, Lord, I don't understand why I am so privileged when you have far more obedient followers. But, thankfully, it is with my human understanding for which I am left bewildered and trust in your greater plan and purpose. I pray I raise them as you expected and prepare them to fulfill your roles for them successfully.

Father God, I pray other parents take time to recognize the great gifts you place in their arms. I pray they value the limited time they have with their children. I ask for your wisdom in their lives to refrain from the feelings of burdens of parenting and embracing the job with gratitude and joy. I cannot imagine a greater honor than being a parent. I am saddened for parents who struggle to look beyond themselves, their wants, and their desires. Thank you for entrusting your children to me for a little while and teaching me great lessons in the process.

I love you.